


Wicked Games

by Celebrate_the_irony



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Multi, Pre-established Ziam, as in this fic is told entirely by texts and scripts, texting fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 00:00:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1179504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celebrate_the_irony/pseuds/Celebrate_the_irony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you are trying to seduce me sir I can assure you that it takes more than a dick pic and a cheesy pick up line.</p><p>Sent 17:56</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Longest fic so far and a pain in the butt to write.
> 
> Loosely inspired by a prompt that said something along the lines of "Famous Harry or Louis accidentally texts non famous Harry or Louis and then they have sex". I'm not good with writing smut but I like the texting idea. 
> 
> What else? Erm well the title comes from a song that really has no relevance to the plot I just like the song (theres a cover by coeur de pirate that you should all listen to just sayin')
> 
> OH and x means that they sent a picture. I have no photoshop skills so therefore you'll have to use your imaginations

14/01/14

_I ain’t no weatherman but you’re getting ten inches tonite_

_Sent 17:54_

_x_

_Sent 17:54_

_OH SHIT_

_Sent 17:55_

_FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK_

_Sent 17:55_

_IM SORRY_

_Sent 17:55_

**Well hello to you too**

**Sent 17:55**

_IM REALLY SORRY_

_Sent 17:56_

**If you are trying to seduce me sir I can assure you that it takes more than a dick pic and a cheesy pick up line.**

**Sent 17:56**

_THAT WASN’T MEANT FOR YOU_

_Sent 17:57_

_THAT IS THE LAST TIME I TRY SEXTING_

_Sent 17:57_

**Are you trying to tell me that I shouldn’t be expecting ten inches “tonite”???**

**Sent 17:58**

**I am heartbroken**

**Sent 17:58**

**I will never love again**

**Sent 17:58**

_IM SORRY_

_Sent 17:59_

_I DIDNT MEAN TO BREAK YOUR HEART_

_Sent 17:59_

**I’m sure you didn’t**

**Sent 18:00**

**But the damage is done**

**Sent 18:00**

_DO YOU WANT ME TO GO??_

_Sent 18:01_

_I CAN GO IF YOU LIKE_

_Sent 18:01_

**Has this event traumatized you so badly that you’ve forgotten how to turn Caps Lock off?**

**Sent 18:02**

_NO_

_Sent 18:02_

_i mean no_

_Sent 18:03_

**Well that’s promising**

**Sent 18:04**

_dont you judge me_

_Sent 18:04_

**Oh I’m judging you**

**Sent 18:05**

_who are you anyway_

_Sent 18:06_

_????_

_Sent 18:08_

**asl???**

**Sent 18:08**

_shut up_

_Sent 18:08_

_you may have seen my dick but this is not like that_

_Sent 18:08_

**It’s a little bit like that**

**Sent 18:09**

**Louis if you so badly want to know**

**Sent 18:11**

**And what’s yours?**

**Sent 18:11**

**I always like putting a name to a face… or whatever that was**

**Sent 18:11**

_shut up_

_Sent 18:12_

_Harry_

_Sent 18:12_

**Well Harry nice to meet you and your penis**

**Sent 18:13**

_pleasures all mine_

_Sent 18:14_

**It certainly is**

**Sent 18:14**

_that wasnt nice_

_Sent 18:19_

**Neither was your penis when I’m trying to drive home from work but there you go**

**Sent 18:19**

_some people dream of seeing my penis ill have you know_

_Sent 18:20_

**The creepy old man who lives down your road does not count**

**Sent 18:20**

_there is no creepy old man who lives down my road_

_Sent 18:21_

**Everyone has a creepy old man who lives down their road**

**Sent 18:21**

**You’re just in denial about it**

**Sent 18:21**

_i would only be in de nile if i was in de egypt_

_Sent 18:22_

**Dreadful absolutely dreadful**

**Sent 18:26**

**I'm ashamed to be texting you**

**Sent 18:26**

_where do you live?_

_Sent 18:30_

**Well that’s not stalker-ish in any way shape or form**

**Sent 18:35**

_yes thats exactly what im going to do_

_Sent 18:36_

_now that ive shown you my dick nothing can stop our love_

_Sent 18:36_

_you are mine now_

_Sent 18:36_

**London**

**Sent 18:38**

_same_

_Sent 18:38_

_this must be fate_

_Sent 18:38_

**Prepare the marriage**

**Sent 18:39**

_well if you insist_

_Sent 18:39_

_tomorrow at westminster_

_Sent 18:39_

**4 sound good?**

**Sent 18:40**

_no good_

_Sent 18:41_

_i have work_

_Sent 18:41_

**Well that’s it the weddings off**

**Sent 18:42**

**I never loved you anyway**

**Sent 18:42**

_:0_

_Sent 18:43_

_< /3_

_Sent 18:43_

**Who was that sext meant for?**

**Sent 18:50**

_this friend of mine who id been crushing on_

_Sent 18:53_

**id as in I had?**

**Sent 18:53**

**You don’t like them anymore?**

**Sent 18:53**

_well idk i think it must be some sort of divine intervention that it got sent to you and not them_

_Sent 18:54_

**God sent me your dick?**

**Sent 18:55**

**Years of Sunday school for your dick**

**Sent 18:55**

**halle-fucking-lujah**

**Sent 18:55**

_i cant tell if thats sarcasm or not_

_Sent 18:59_

**Let me give you a clue**

**Sent 19:00**

**I have never been to Sunday School**

**Sent 19:00**

_i have_

_Sent 19:01_

_its not fun_

_Sent 19:01_

_although sometimes they had biscuits_

_Sent 19:01_

_biscuits are quite fun_

_Sent 19:01_

**I don’t agree with your religion but damn you make nice biscuits**

**Sent 19:02**

_exactly_

_Sent 19:02_

_i realise now that i made myself come off as a little pervish_

_Sent 19:07_

_i didnt just send my friend a dick pic out of nowhere_

_Sent 19:07_

_they did ask for 1_

_Sent 19:07_

_i dont send dick pics to all my friends_

_Sent 19:07_

_and theyre not really a friend anyway_

_Sent 19:07_

_more of an ex_

_Sent 19:08_

**You are making me feel more special by the text**

**Sent 19:09**

_you should feel special_

_Sent 19:10_

_not everyone gets to see the famous lovestick_

_Sent 19:10_

**The “famous lovestick”?**

**Sent 19:11**

**Good lord**

**Sent 19:11**

_you love it_

_Sent 19:12_

_besides it really is famous_

_Sent 19:13_

**Oh really? Are you some kind of porn star?**

**Sent 19:14**

_not quite_

_Sent 19:14_

_im a boybander_

_Sent 19:14_

_but theyre kinda the same thing_

_Sent 19:14_

_just for 14 year old girls_

_Sent 19:15_

_Louis?_

_Sent 19:20_

_????_

_Sent 19:25_

**You wouldn’t happen to be Harry Styles from One Direction would you?**

**Sent 19:26**

_yup_

_Sent 19:26_

_hi_

_Sent 19:26_

**I don’t believe you**

**Sent 19:27**

Transcript of Phone call 14/01/14 19:30

**Hello?**

_Hi I’m Harry_

**Still don’t believe you**

_Do you want me to sing for you?_

**No but I feel like you’re going to do it anyway.**

_Damn straight_

_(_ Singing) _Baby you light up my world like nobody else the way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed when you smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell._

**You know One Directions most popular song. Congratulations that really convinced me.**

_But it really is me_

**It was nice speaking to you whoever you are.**

End Call

_look i am Harry Styles_

_Sent 19:36_

_i swear on my mothers grave that i am_

_Sent 19:36_

_not that my mothers dead_

_Sent 19:36_

_Louis????_

_Sent 19:38_

_look it is me ill show you_

_Sent 19:40_

_x_

_Sent 19:42_

_thats me in a never before seen badly taken selfie_

_Sent 19:43_

_Louis???_

_Sent 19:45_

_Lou????_

_Sent 19:47_

**Look I have work in the morning and your texts are annoying me**

**Sent 19:49**

_can i just ask one last question and then ill leave you alone forever_

_Sent 19:51_

**Was that your question?**

**Sent 19:52**

_no_

_Sent 19:52_

_where do you work?_

_Sent 19:53_

**Rainbow Daycare Centre in Central London**

**Sent 19:55**

**Now please fuck off**

**Sent 19:55**

_ok_

_Sent 19:56_

* * *

15/01/14

**Why would you show up at my daycare?**

**Sent 18:50**

**What in god’s name made you think that was a good idea?**

**Sent 18:50**

_i thought it would go down a little different than that_

_Sent 18:51_

**What? Did you think I’d go leaping through fields going “Harry it really is you!”**

**Sent 18:52**

_how embarrassing would it be if i said yes?_

_Sent 18:53_

**HARRY**

**Sent 18:53**

_ok im sorry i helped the kids with the arts n crafts thing_

_Sent 18:54_

**I wouldn’t call it helping**

**Sent 18:55**

**I’d call it throwing glitter all over the centre**

**Sent 18:55**

_but we were peter pan and tinkerbell_ _  
_

_Sent 18:56_

_have you run off with wendy already :’(_

_Sent 18:56_

**I don’t care how cute the kids looked in the lost boys costumes I spent two hours cleaning that up**

**Sent 18:57**

**TWO HOURS**

**Sent 18:57**

_im sorry_

_Sent 18:58_

**AND THEN YOU STAYED FOR THE PARENTS PICKING THE KIDS UP**

**Sent 18:58**

**WHY HARRY???**

**Sent 18:58**

**WHY????????????????**

**Sent 18:58**

_well ok admittedly that was a terrible idea_

_Sent 18:59_

**TWO BITS OF PLAYGROUND EQUIPMENT**

**Sent 18:59**

**RUINED**

**Sent 19:00**

_look i didnt think theyd run that fast_

_Sent 19:00_

**OF COURSE THEY’D RUN THAT FAST**

**Sent 19:00**

**THEY ARE FILLED WITH LUST AND HORMONES**

**Sent 19:00**

_well excuse me for not preparing myself for running away from middle aged pregnant women_

_Sent 19:01_

_its such an everyday occurrence that i shouldve known better_

_Sent 19:01_

**YES YES YOU SHOULD’VE**

**Sent 19:02**

_im sorry Louis i really am_

_Sent 19:03_

**Sorry don’t cut it boy**

**Sent 19:04**

_ill pay for new playground stuff_

_Sent 19:04_

**And?**

**Sent 19:05**

_and ill take you out to dinner tomorrow after work_

_Sent 19:06_

**I begrudgingly accept your offer**

**Sent 19:07**

_heyyyyyyy_

_Sent 19:10_

**:p**

**Sent 19:11**

* * *

**_OK SO WHY IS HARRY STYLES COMING INTO OUR WORK_ **

**_Sent 16:01_ **

**_LOUIS_ **

**_Sent 16:30_ **

**_LOOOOUUUUIIIIIISSSSS_ **

**_Sent 17:00_ **

**_????????????????????????????????????????_ **

**_Sent 17:15_ **

**_LOULOU_ **

**_Sent 17:30_ **

**Long story**

**Sent 18:30**

**_LOUIS DON’T U DARE GIVE ME THAT BULLSHIT_ **

**_Sent 18:31_ **

**_LOUIS_ **

**_Sent 18:35_ **

**_U FUCKING SHIT_ **

**_Sent 19:00_ **

**For god’s sake Niall**

**Sent 19:30**

**Calm down**

**Sent 19:30**

**_STOP IGNORING ME_ **

**_Sent 19:31_ **

**_GODDAMNIT LOUIS_ **

**_Sent 20:00_ **

**Hahahahahahaha**

**Sent 20:00**

**You asked for that one**

**Sent 20:00**

**He accidently sent me a dick pic and now I have blackmailed him into dating me**

**Sent 20:02**

**_SERIOUSLY????_ **

**_Sent 20:02_ **

**_JFC_ **

**_Sent 20:02_ **

**You are too fucking gullible**

**Sent 20:04**

**But he did send me a dick pic accidentally and now we’re kinda friends**

**Sent 20:04**

**Kinda**

**Sent 20:04**

**_SELL THE PIC_ **

**_Sent 20:05_ **

**_WED MAKE A FORTUNE_ **

**_Sent 20:05_ **

**_WE COULD REPLACE THE PLAYGROUND_ **

**_Sent 20:06_ **

**Harry’s paying for the playground to be replaced**

**Sent 20:06**

**_WELL THATS OK TOO I GUESS_ **

**_Sent 20:07_ **

**I’m glad he has your approval**

**Sent 20:08**

**_UR WELCOME_ **

**_Sent 20:08_ **

**_STILL SELLING THE NUDES THOUGH_ **

**_Sent 20:10_ **

**_THINK OF THE MONEY_ **

**_Sent 20:11_ **

**Maybe with the money you could get a phone that wasn’t stuck on caps lock**

**Sent 20:12**

**_ITS NOT STUCK_ **

**_Sent 20:13_ **

**Of course it isn’t**

**Sent 20:14**

**_IS MY ENTHUSIASUM TOO MUCH 4 U_ **

**_Sent 20:14_ **

**_LOUIS???_ **

**_Sent 20:31_ **

**_AHH FUCK YAS_ **

**_Sent 20:55_ **

* * *

_ZAYN_

_Sent 19:14_

what

Sent 19:16

_IVE GOT A DATE_

_Sent 19:16_

miracles do happen

Sent 19:17

with who?

Sent 19:17

_IT’S A BOY AND HES CUTE AND HE WORKS WITH KIDS_

_Sent 19:18_

marry him- Liam

Sent 19:19

hes got a point

Sent 19:20

_can i just say how much it sucks to be in a band with a married couple_

_Sent 19:21_

we’re not married- Liam

Sent 19:22

_THEN GET YOUR OWN DAMN PHONE_

_Sent 19:23_

shushhhhh – liam

Sent 19:23

tell us more about lover boy

Sent 19:23

_well his names Louis_

_Sent 19:24_

_and I met him by accidently sending him nudes_

_Sent 19:24_

…………

Sent 19:25

you might want to keep that story to yourselves

Sent 19:28

liam is pissing himself laughing rn

Sent 19:28

_well it’s a little unconventional_

_Sent 19:29_

BUT IMAGINE UR KIDS ASKING HOW U 2 MET- LIAM

Sent 19:30

ID GIVE U EVERY POUND I HAVE IF ULL LET ME WATCH THAT- LIAM

Sent 19:31

yeah I wanna see that too

Sent 19:31

_we all wanna see that_

_Sent 19:32_

_im going to organise the surrogate now_

_Sent 19:32_

have fun telling Louis that on your date

Sent 19:34

_you have fun on your date too_

_Sent 19:35_

thank you

Sent 19:36

we'll have lots of hot sex just for you won't we babe?

Sent 19:37

im going to fuck him into the matress- liam

Sent 19:38

_STOP DIRTYTALKING_

_Sent 19:39_

does our love bother you

Sent 19:40

_STOP IT_

_Sent 19:40_

x

Sent 19:43

_did you seriously just kiss each other to annoy me_

_Sent 19:43_

the world doesn’t revolve around you harry

Sent 19:44

we are in love

Sent 19:44

accept it Haz

Sent 19:45

_for the love of fuck leave me alone_

_Sent 19:46_

_thank you_

_Sent 20:00_

im sorry what where you saying we were too busy fucking to read your texts

Sent 20:10

_-_-_

_Sent 20:11_

* * *

16/01/14

sooooo

Sent 21:20

how’d the date go?

Sent 21:20

_hes still here_

_Sent 21:30_

here as in he went back to your place

Sent 21:30

_maybe_

_Sent 21:33_

liam says hes proud of you

Sent 21:34

_of course hes with you_

_Sent 21:38_

not about us harry

Sent 21:38

harry?

Sent 21:51

ok we’ll leave you to it then

Sent 22:00

ok the date must be over by now

Sent 23:00

_nope_

_Sent 23:13_

good lord Harold

Sent 23:14

not even liam and me like each other that much

Sent 23:14

we kinda do- liam

Sent 23:15

congrats on getting laid btw- liam

Sent 23:15

_same to you_

_Sent 23:18_

thank you- liam

Sent 23:18

waittttttttttt- liam

Sent 23:22

DID YOU TWO DO THE DO- liam

Sent 23:22

_well no_

_Sent 23:44_

_couldnt think of a better comeback_

_Sent 23:44_

_did you two do the thing_

_Sent 23:45_

yeahhhh - liam

Sent 23:48

;) -liam

Sent 23:48

_knew you would_

_Sent 23:50_

so hows the date going

Sent 00:01

_hes just left_

_00:03_

and whats he like

00:04

_hes fucking adorable_

_Sent 00:10_

_i dont think hes a real person_

_Sent 00:10_

_he nearly passed out from exotic ice cream flavours_

_Sent 00:11_

what flavours?

Sent 00:12

_kinder surprise and that weird one with sweets in it_

_Sent 00:13_

understandable

Sent 00:13

_he had marker all over his hands and he called me an idiot no less than 30 times_

_Sent 00:14_

I call you an idiot all the time though

Sent 00:15

I don’t see you swooning over me

Sent 00:15

_yes but you youre not sex on legs_

_Sent 00:16_

I have an army of teenage girls that beg to differ

Sent 00:17

I also have a Liam

Sent 00:17

_hes just different Zayn_

_Sent 00:19_

_the good kind of different_

_Sent 00:20_

_not the murders ants instead of talking to other people kind of different_

_Sent 00:20_

Well I’m happy for you

Sent 00:22

Anything that means less whining over nick is something I can be happy about

Sent 00:22

_couldnt care less about nick rn_

_Sent 00:23_

_you could set fire to him and i wouldnt give a fuck_

_Sent 00:24_

_well i might put the fire out but that’s it_

_Sent 00:24_

Proud of you

Sent 00:25

Well we’re going to bed

Sent 00:25

_see ya later_

_Sent 00:25_

Don’t threaten me

Sent 00:30

* * *

17/01/14

_heyyyyyyy x_

_Sent 12:10_

**What do you want Styles?**

**Sent 12:10**

**In the middle of a situation here**

**Sent 12:10**

_why whats happened_

_Sent 12:11_

**Text you later**

**Sent 12:12**

**You remember Lucinda?**

**Sent 12:42**

_the spoilt one who had a tantrum over me being tinkerbell rather than her_

_Sent 12:43_

**Yeah, she just broke the cubby house.**

**Sent 12:44**

_erm HOW????_

_Sent 12:45_

**ikr, she knocked the door down by throwing herself at it**

**Sent 12:46**

_shes tiny though_

_Sent 12:46_

**Yeah it surprised me too, Niall had a heart attack cause he thought she died.**

**Sent 12:47**

**But now we have to organize a meeting with her parents**

**Sent 12:47**

_im guessing they’re just as bad as she is_

_Sent 12:48_

**You have no idea**

**Sent 12:49**

**So how is your day going so far?**

**Sent 12:50**

_zayn and liam are all over each other like the horny animals they are_

_Sent 12:51_

**That must be pleasant to watch**

**Sent 12:52**

_tell me about it_

_Sent 12:52_

_plus we have a meeting with the PR people at 1_

_Sent 12:53_

**Sounds fun**

**Sent 12:54**

_no but the pr woman is scary and she yells at us about our image_

_Sent 12:54_

**What is your image?**

**Sent 12:55**

_fucked if i know_

_Sent 12:56_

_something about clean wholesome teenage boys_

_Sent 12:56_

**Huh**

**Sent 12:57**

**Well you’re fucked now**

**Sent 12:57**

**Cause I don’t know how you felt but I’m pretty sure you weren’t wholesome last night ;)**

**Sent 12:58**

_you make ice cream sound so dirty_

_Sent 12:59_

**I wasn’t talking about the ice cream**

**Sent 12:59**

**Although it was damn fine ice cream**

**Sent 12:59**

_it was_

_Sent 12:59_

_shit i gotta go_

_Sent 12:59_

_Wow fuck_

_Sent 15:00_

**That was a long meeting**

**Sent 15:01**

_ikr_

_Sent 15:01_

_but I have news_

_Sent 15:02_

**Good or bad?**

**Sent 15:02**

_both_

_Sent 15:02_

_Im going to be on alan carr next week_

_Sent 15:03_

**That’s awesome Haz**

**Sent 15:04**

**K good news done whats the bad news**

**Sent 15:05**

**Haz?**

**Sent 15:08**

_theyre getting me a girlfriend cuz im not straight enough_

_Sent 15:11_

**Why do you need to be straight exactly?**

**Sent 15:12**

_because we might lose “potential buyers” by not_

_Sent 15:12_

**Well that’s bullshit**

**Sent 15:13**

**You’re in a fucking boyband**

**Sent 15:13**

**Have they not heard of The Village People?**

**Sent 15:13**

**Or Wham**

**Sent 15:13**

**Also pretty sure Culture Club could count as a boyband**

**Sent 15:14**

**Harry?**

**Sent 15:15**

_i go on my first “date” on monday_

_Sent 15:16_

**But that’s bullshit**

**Sent 15:17**

**Hows Liam and Zayn taking it?**

**Sent 15:17**

_they don’t have to get a girlfriend_

_Sent 15:18_

**But…**

**Sent 15:19**

_yeah the ones sleeping together are less gay than me apparently_

_Sent 15:20_

**I think it may be the glitter boots**

**Sent 15:21**

_i warn you lou i will defend those boots with my life_

_Sent 15:22_

**They’re not worth it**

**Sent 15:22**

**So who’s your girlfriend?**

**Sent 15:27**

_some model_

_Sent 15:28_

**I have to compete with a model?**

**Sent 15:28**

_youd win hands down every time_

_Sent 15:29_

**Oh Harold**

**Sent 15:29**

**Shit I gotta wake the kids up from naptime**

**Sent 15:30**

_way to spoil the mood_

_Sent 15:31_

**What mood?**

**Sent 15:32**

_do you still wanna come over tonight?_

_Sent 15:34_

**Be there at 6**

**Sent 15:34**

**Make sure your girlfriends not there ;)**

**Sent 15:34**

_why you not up for threesomes?_

_Sent 15:35_

**Not if that means I’d have to share you**

**Sent 15:35**

**Really got to go now x**

**Sent 15:35**

_bye xx_

_Sent 15:36_

* * *

18/01/14     

**_Louissss_ **

**_Sent 13:40_ **

**_u coming over 2 watch the cricket_ **

**_Sent 13:40_ **

**Nah I’m at Harry’s**

**Sent 13:42**

**_but its Brits vs Aus_ **

**_Sent 13:43_ **

**_REVENGE OF THE ASHES LOU_ **

**_Sent 13:44_ **

**_WE’LL SHOW THOSE AUSSIE CUNTS WHOS THE FUCKING BOSS_ **

**_Sent 13:44_ **

**You’re Irish**

**Sent 13:45**

**_don’t u say that_ **

**_Sent 13:46_ **

**_ive shed tears 4 our boys in white_ **

**_Sent 13:46_ **

**We all did Niall**

**Sent 13:47**

**It was a rough time**

**Sent 13:47**

**_fucking Australians_ **

**_Sent 13:48_ **

**_with their beer and their attractive women_ **

**_Sent 13:48_ **

**There there**

**Sent 13:49**

**_come on_ **

**_Sent 13:50_ **

**_u no u need to c their arses fucking handed 2 them_ **

**_Sent 13:50_ **

**But Harry**

**Sent 13:51**

**_I have nachos_ **

**_Sent 13:52_ **

**Please don’t make this harder**

**Sent 13:53**

**_y u spending all this time with him anyway_ **

**_Sent 13:54_ **

**He’s getting a girlfriend on monday**

**Sent 13:55**

**_do u want me 2 beat the shit outta him_ **

**_Sent 13:56_ **

**_i will do it lou_ **

**_Sent 13:56_ **

**No, it’s to generate his “straight image”**

**Sent 13:57**

**it’s not an actual relationship**

**Sent 13:58**

**_if someone got a hold of my man id fucking shit on em_ **

**_Sent 13:59_ **

**I don’t want to be reminded of what you did to that poster of Victoria Beckham**

**Sent 14:00**

**_that slut_ **

**_Sent 14:00_ **

**_DAVIDS THE ONLY MAN ILL EVER LOVE_ **

**_Sent 14:01_ **

**You’ll find someone else eventually**

**Sent 14:01**

**_no1 can replace him how dare u say that someone will_ **

**_Sent 14:02_ **

**I really wanna watch us beat the aussies**

**Sent 14:03**

**But Harry doesn’t know anything about Cricket**

**Sent 14:03**

**_WE WILL TEACH HIM THE WAYS OF THE WHITES_ **

**_Sent 14:04_ **

**that sounded better in your head didn’t it**

**Sent 14:05**

**_MUCH BETTER_ **

**_Sent 14:05_ **

**_BRING HIM OVER HE HAS MUCH TO LEARN_ **

**_Sent 14:05_ **

**Ok then Mr Minakyi**

**Sent 14:06**

* * *

_well that was an experience_

_Sent 19:09_

_hows he holding up?_

_Sent 19:09_

**Not well**

**Sent 19:10**

**He’s in the foetal position crying while cuddling a cricket bat**

**Sent 19:10**

**Things are looking bleak**

**Sent 19:11**

_so did we win or lose im not sure_

_Sent 19:12_

**We’re losing**

**Sent 19:13**

**as in the games not over yet**

**Sent 19:13**

**it’s a two day match**

**Sent 19:13**

**Niall hasn’t seemed to grasp that concept though**

**Sent 19:14**

**Oh progress**

**Sent 19:31**

**We’ve lost the cricket bat**

**Sent 19:31**

**Still in foetal position though**

**Sent 19:32**

_I got to admit_

_Sent 19:33_

_I have never heard we all shagged matilda before_

_Sent 19:33_

**Its nialls second favourite song**

**Sent 19:34**

_whats his first?_

_Sent 19:35_

**Barbie Girl**

**Sent 19:36**

_Lou_

_Sent 19:41_

**What?**

**Sent 19:41**

_i dont want a girlfriend_

_Sent 19:43_

**Oh**

**Sent 19:44**

_im supposed to announce it on alan carr thats most of the reason why were going on_

_Sent 19:45_

**Oh**

**Sent 19:46**

_yeah_

_Sent 19:46_

**Y’know this feels awfully lot like a breakup**

**Sent 19:47**

_it isnt one_

_Sent 19:47_

_i wouldnt break up with you over the phone_

_Sent 19:48_

_plus there isn’t much to break up over yet_

_Sent 19:48_

**What do you mean yet?**

**Sent 19:49**

**I am flawless Styles there is nothing break-up-able about me**

**Sent 19:50**

_is that so?_

_Sent 19:51_

**Speaking of flaws do you want to go shopping for playground stuff tomorrow?**

**Sent 19:51**

**I feel like you should be there since you’re paying for it and all**

**Sent 19:51**

_is niall gonna be there?_

_Sent 19:52_

**Nothing could drag him away from his cricket**

**Sent 19:53**

**Pick me up at 10 yeah?**

**Sent 19:54**

_alright_

_Sent 19:54_

**Right I’m going to head home now**

**Sent 19:55**

**Niall seems to have passed out**

**Sent 19:56**

_see ya tomorrow xx_

_Sent 19:57_

**bye xxx**

**Sent 19:58**

* * *

19/01/14

What’s up straight boy

Sent 14:12

_my boyfriends dick_

_Sent 14:13_

Well someone’s a bit sensitive about their new image

Sent 14:14

Also tell Louis I’ll be there to sort him out in a bit

Sent 14:14

_dont you have your own boyfriend to suck off_

_Sent 14:15_

He’s gone out

Sent 14:16

_did you finally get him removed from your hip?_

_Sent 14:17_

Not by choice

Sent 14:18

_has he gone out to get his own phone?_

_Sent 14:20_

No

Sent 14:20

You’ll have to wait for that miracle

Sent 14:21

So what are you doing

Sent 14:22

_getting playground equipment with Louis_

_Sent 14:23_

I didn’t think you were serious about that surrogate

Sent 14:24

_no were replacing the playground at the daycare that Louis works at_

_Sent 14:25_

_keep up malik_

_Sent 14:25_

Look its not my fault Liam keeps me here away from the outside world like some 50’s housewife

Sent 14:26

_do want to join us_

_Sent 14:28_

Alright but only since you begged

Sent 14:28

_We’re at the garden centre that’s kinda near where you live_

_Sent 14:29_

The one with the big rose arch out the front?

Sent 14:30

_yup_

_Sent 14:30_

_Louis’s asking a million questions about each individual piece of equipment_

_Sent 14:31_

_ive had three elderly women assume we’re an expecting gay couple_

_Sent 14:31_

_one told me that if were adopting china has babies going cheap_

_Sent 14:32_

_send help_

_Sent 14:32_

Alright I’ll save you from the racist grannies

Sent 14:33

But only cuz I love you

Sent 14:34

_thanks_

_Sent 14:35_

_love you too by the way you big old homo_

_Sent 14:36_

I am NOT OLD

Sent 14:37

_love you <3_

_Sent 14:37_

* * *

**_WE FUCKING WON_ **

**_Sent 19:30_ **

**_WE PUMMELED THE AUSSIES IN2 THE DUST_ **

**_Sent 19:30_ **

**No we didn’t**

**Sent 19:30**

**_I AM PRETENDING THAT WE HAVE WON_ **

**_Sent 19:31_ **

**Denial only makes it worse**

**Sent 19:32**

**_y don’t u take ur own advice_ **

**_Sent 19:33_ **

**I don’t know what you’re talking about**

**Sent 19:34**

**_Hows ur boyfriends girlfriend?_ **

**_Sent 19:35_ **

**Ask your mum**

**Sent 19:36**

**_wooooaahhh_ **

**_Sent 19:37_ **

**_that was a cheap shot_ **

**_Sent 19:37_ **

**_but seriously Lou_ **

**_Sent 19:38_ **

**_wut u gonna do_ **

**_Sent 19:38_ **

**idk**

**Sent 19:38**

**Cover Taylor Swift songs?**

**Sent 19:38**

**_HE BELONGS WITH MEEEEEEeeeeEEEEEE_ **

**_Sent 19:40_ **

**Exactly**

**Sent 19:41**

**Although it worries me you knew that**

**Sent 19:42**

**_it worries me too_ **

**_Sent 19:43_ **

**_AVOIDING THE QUESTION_ **

**_Sent 19:43_ **

**idk tbh**

**Sent 19:44**

**I’ve only just come to terms that I’m dating someone who was No 1 of Seventeens hot 100 or whatever the fuck it was called**

**Sent 19:45**

**_ur boyfriend is v hot_ **

**_Sent 19:45_ **

**_not as hot as david_ **

**_Sent 19:45_ **

**_but v hot_ **

**_Sent 19:45_ **

**You should see him naked**

**Sent 19:46**

**Damn**

**Sent 19:46**

**No**

**Sent 19:46**

**Wait**

**Sent 19:46**

**Don’t look at my boyfriend naked**

**Sent 19:46**

**_BACK TO MY MAIN POINT_ **

**_Sent 19:47_ **

**_ur boyfriend is also v famous_ **

**_Sent 19:47_ **

**_V V famous_ **

**_Sent 19:47_ **

**I know Niall**

**Sent 19:47**

**Him and Zayn got attacked by fans in the wheelbarrow department**

**Sent 19:47**

**It was hysterical**

**Sent 19:47**

**_ahhh yes BUT they all want to be his GIRLFRIEND_ **

**_Sent 19:48_ **

**_and I dont blame them_ **

**_Sent 19:48_ **

**whats your point Horan?**

**Sent 19:48**

**_thiswasinvetiableweallknewthiswasgoingtohappenhewilldumpyoupleasedontkillme_ **

**_Sent 19:50_ **

**What**

**Sent 19:51**

**_look i read an interview with lance bass who said that his management drove him and his boyfriend apart and it will probably happen to u 2_ **

**_Sent 19:52_ **

**_I no he likes u_ **

**_Sent 19:52_ **

**_but his management doesn’t_ **

**_Sent 19:52_ **

**Well that’s not going to happen to us**

**Sent 19:53**

**_if u say so_ **

**_Sent 19:54_ **

**_just trying to look out for u_ **

**_Sent 19:54_ **

**_bro be4 other bros_ **

**_Sent 19:54_ **

**_the sexy kind of bros_ **

**_Sent 19:54_ **

**_like real sexy_ **

**_Sent 19:55_ **

**_like u wanna get jiggy with him_ **

**_Sent 19:55_ **

**_but 4 u its u and millions of teen girls_ **

**_Sent 19:55_ **

**_who all want to get jiggy with it_ **

**_Sent 19:55_ **

**_jiggy with harry_ **

**_Sent 19:55_ **

**_do u c what im saying_ **

**_Sent 19:55_ **

**please stop talking**

**Sent 19:56**

**_jiggy_ **

**_Sent 19:57_ **

* * *

20/01/14

_I cant do this lou_

_Sent 10:05_

_louis I cant do this_

_Sent 10:06_

_Louis help me_

_Sent 10:07_

_Louis_

_Sent 10:10_

**Harry calm down babe**

**Sent 10:11**

**It’s going to be fine**

**Sent 10:11**

_I cant do this to myself_

_Sent 10:12_

_I cant do it to you_

_Sent 10:12_

**Harry all you have to do is hold her hand**

**Sent 10:13**

**It’s not like you’re making a sex tape**

**Sent 10:13**

_WHAT IF THEY MAKE US MAKE A SEX TAPE_

_Sent 10:13_

**Harry there will be no sex tape**

**Sent 10:14**

**I will make sure of that**

**Sent 10:14**

**If your management even mention it I will storm in their office and tell them to go sit on a razorblade**

**Sent 10:14**

_thats oddly comforting_

_Sent 10:15_

_thanks Boo_

_Sent 10:15_

**Don’t ruin it babe**

**Sent 10:15**

_Boo bear_

_Sent 10:15_

**Ok you’ve ruined it**

**Sent 10:15**

_my lou boo bear_

_Sent 10:16_

**That is unacceptable**

**Sent 10:17**

**Go off and have fun with your girlfriend**

**Sent 10:17**

_that was below the belt_

_Sent 10:17_

**Well that’s just the place I wanna be ;)**

**Sent 10:18**

_is that a promise_

_Sent 10:19_

**Maybe**

**Sent 10:20**

**Come over to my place once you’re done with your cute date**

**Sent 10:20**

_ok_

_Sent 10:20_

_i gotta go now_

_Sent 10:21_

_im about to be lectured by her publicist_

_Sent 10:21_

**Her publicist?**

**Sent 10:22**

_turns out the girlfriends a bit of a diva_

_Sent 10:22_

_why do i always end up with the dramatic ones?_

_Sent 10:23_

**Huh**

**Sent 10:24**

**I always thought you were with me for my sparkling personality**

**Sent 10:24**

_nope_

_Sent 10:24_

_only here for the blow jobs_

_Sent 10:25_

**Well in that case go ask your girlfriend for one and I can be free to find my Prince Charming**

**Sent 10:25**

_but she wont do the tongue thing_

_Sent 10:26_

**Go and get your damn date over with**

**Sent 10:27**

_< 3 u 2_

_Sent 10:28_

**shut the fuck up xxxxx**

**Sent 10:29**

* * *

27/1/14

so on a scale of 1 to 10 how hard have you fucked lou this past week

Sent 14:20

_id say a solid 11_

_Sent 14:21_

god haz she cant have been that bad

Sent 14:21

_you have no idea man_

_Sent 14:22_

_she made me kiss her_

_Sent 14:22_

_ON THE LIPS_

_Sent 14:22_

upper or lower?

Sent 14:22

_ew_

_Sent 14:23_

_why would you even say that_

_Sent 14:23_

cuz Liam dared me to

Sent 14:24

_I have a lot of unwanted mental images now_

_Sent 14:24_

_thanks for nothing liam_

_Sent 14:24_

how did Lou take to the fact you are currently on tmz snogging someone else

Sent 14:25

_he don’t like it_

_Sent 14:26_

_everytime I bring it up he changes the topic_

_Sent 14:26_

_he once did an epic fuck me kiss to make me stop talking about it_

_Sent 14:26_

_I mean it was hot_

_Sent 14:26_

_but_

_Sent 14:26_

hes a little possessive then

Sent 14:27

_yeahhh_

_Sent 14:28_

_im covered in hickeys in places I didn’t think I could get hickeys_

_Sent 14:29_

_in all honesty guys I am all sexed out_

_Sent 14:29_

jesus

Sent 14:30

what was your last conversation about?

Sent 14:31

_I think it was either what kind of lube he wanted or whos going to get new condoms_

_Sent 14:32_

URE LIVInG thE DREAM FRIEND- LIAM

Sent 14:33

I’m SO JEALOUS RIGHT NoW- Liam

Sent 14:34

Ok Liam has been banned from having an opinion

Sent 14:36

_what am I going to do Zayn_

_Sent 14:37_

_this aint healthy_

_Sent 14:37_

the only real solution would be to get rid of the girlfriend

Sent 14:37

but then you cant do that without management tearing you limb from limb

Sent 14:37

So erm

Sent 14:38

maybe take a break from each other?

Sent 14:38

_no that’s a terrible idea_

_Sent 14:39_

_I don’t want to lose him when we’ve only just started_

_Sent 14:39_

when did you become such a cheeseball

Sent 14:40

_WERE IN A BOYBAND_

_Sent 14:40_

_CHEESEY IS OUR COLLECTIVE MIDDLE NAME_

_Sent 14:40_

_ONE OF OUR SONGS LITERALLY GOES LIKE “I WATCH YOUR EYES AND IM IN RIDDLES”_

_Sent 14:40_

_WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?????_

_Sent 14:41_

yeahh in all fairness it is a pretty stupid song

Sent 14:41

_BUT THAT’S NOT EVEN OUR STUPIDEST SONG_

_Sent 14:42_

ok we get it you’re frustrated can we please stop making fun at our career that has earned us quite a lot of money

Sent 14:43

_its just_

_Sent 14:44_

_what am I gonna do_

_Sent 14:44_

Well ok lets look at your calander

Sent 14:45

tonight?

Sent 14:46

_im at Lou’s_

_Set 14:46_

tomorrow PR meeting

Sent 14:46

Wednesday

Sent 14:46

_another date with beard_

_Sent 14:47_

Thursday

Sent 14:47

_Alan Carr, where we go “public”_

_Sent 14:47_

So really you’ve got between now and then to do something

Sent 14:48

_but what am I going to do_

_Sent 14:48_

I don’t know we’ll figure something out

Sent 14:49

Trust me Haz once we’re finished you’ll never be having sex again

Sent 14:49

_thanks_

_Sent 15:00_

_I think_

_Sent 15:02_

* * *

**_Louis_ **

**_Sent 12:30_ **

**_if u dont stop sulking ill send u 2 time out_ **

**_Sent 12:31_ **

**I seriously don’t need you doing this right now**

**Sent 12:32**

**_yes u do_ **

**_Sent 12:33_ **

**_u always need me_ **

**_Sent 12:33_ **

**Niall**

**Sent 12:34**

**_Yea Boo?_ **

**_Sent 12:34_ **

**Seriously don’t**

**Sent 12:35**

**_wuts wrong_ **

**_Sent 12:36_ **

**_trouble in paradise eh?_ **

**_Sent 12:36_ **

**_oooooooooooooooooo_ **

**_Sent 12:39_ **

**_if looks could kill ud be that guy from silence of the lambs_ **

**_Sent 12:39_ **

**_not Hannibal the other one who puts them in pits and wears them as coats_ **

**_Sent 12:39_ **

**You’ve never seen Silence of the Lambs**

**Sent 12:39**

**_NOT THE POINT LOO_ **

**_Sent 12:40_ **

**Did you seriously just call me a toilet?**

**Sent 12:41**

**_yeah cuz ur full of shit_ **

**_Sent 12:41_ **

**_OOOO DAMNNNNNNNN_ **

**_Sent 12:42_ **

**You’re a fucking idiot**

**Sent 12:42**

**_alright now spill_ **

**_Sent 12:42_ **

**_its about the girlfriend isnt it_ **

**_Sent 12:43_ **

**Oh it is not**

**Sent 12:44**

**_someones jealoussssssssss_ **

**_Sent 12:45_ **

**_u no he gay rite?_ **

**_Sent 12:45_ **

**_gay 4 u_ **

**_Sent 12:46_ **

**_u and him are my OTP_ **

**_Sent 12:46_ **

**_like apparently there are zarry shippers_ **

**_Sent 12:46_ **

**_BUT I SHIT ON THEM_ **

**_Sent 12:46_ **

**I have no fucking clue what you’re talking about**

**Sent 12:47**

**_THE FANS OF THE BAND THINK HARRY AND ZAYN ARE MEANT FOR EACH OTHER_ **

**_Sent 12:48_ **

**_BUT I DISAGREE_ **

**_Sent 12:49_ **

**Please stop talking**

**Sent 12:50**

**_U GOTTA TELL ME WUTS WRONG LOU_ **

**_Sent 12:51_ **

**_THE HEALING PROCESS CANT BEGIN UNTIL U TELL ME_ **

**_Sent 12:51_ **

**_HE DIDNT DUMP U DID HE_ **

**_Sent 12:52_ **

**It’s just that this whole girlfriend and famous boyfriend thing is harder that I initially thought that’s all**

**Sent 12:53**

**_oh_ **

**_Sent 12:53_ **

**_is that it_ **

**_Sent 12:54_ **

**yup**

**Sent 12:55**

**_how am i supposed 2 heal that_ **

**_Sent 12:55_ **

**_cant kiss that better_ **

**_Sent 12:56_ **

**You are not kissing me**

**Sent 12:57**

**_ur just scared that ull like it_ **

**_Sent 12:57_ **

**for fucks sack niall stop talking**

**Sent 12:58**

**_ok_ **

**_Sent 12:58_ **

* * *

**_u gotta tell me wuts wrong wit Lou_ **

**_Sent 16:30_ **

_who is this exactly_

_Sent 16:31_

**_Niall_ **

**_Sent 16:32_ **

**_now spill_ **

**_Sent 16:32_ **

_how did you get my number?_

_Sent 16:33_

**_not answering the question_ **

**_Sent 16:33_ **

_erm i guess hes upset about the whole girlfriend thing_

_Sent 16:34_

_i mean he doesnt talk about it much_

_Sent 16:34_

**_no he wouldn’t_ **

**_Sent 16:35_ **

_yeah we don’t really talk_

_Sent 16:36_

**_ur disgusting_ **

**_Sent 16:36_ **

**_but yes that is how lou works_ **

**_Sent 16:36_ **

_what? by fucking?_

_Sent 16:37_

**_NOOO_ **

**_Sent 16:37_ **

**_BY AVOIDING THE ISSUE_ **

**_Sent 16:37_ **

**_U R VERY DIRTY MINDED_ **

**_Sent 16:38_ **

**_DOES LOUIS NO THIS_ **

**_Sent 16:38_ **

_he might have an inkling_

_Sent 16:39_

**_ewwwww_ **

**_Sent 16:40_ **

**_ure gross_ **

**_Sent 16:40_ **

_you’re the one who turned it bad_

_Sent 16:41_

**_yeahhh right_ **

**_Sent 16:42_ **

**_i got my eye on u styles_ **

**_Sent 16:43_ **

_ermm ok_

_Sent 16:44_

**_u dont no wuts wrong wit lou then_ **

**_Sent 16:44_ **

_hes upset about the girlfriend thing_

_Sent 16:45_

_i think_

_Sent 16:45_

_he hasn’t spoken about it_

_Sent 16:45_

_or spoken about anything_

_Sent 16:46_

**_huh_ **

**_Sent 16:47_ **

**_i thought so_ **

**_Sent 16:48_ **

_you did?_

_Sent 16:49_

**_thing with Lou is_ **

**_Sent 16:50_ **

**_he believes his problems r his 2 deal wit n his alone_ **

**_Sent 16:50_ **

**_so if he has a problem wit u_ **

**_Sent 16:50_ **

**_hes going 2 try n fix it_ **

**_Sent 16:51_ **

_hes got a problem with me_

_Sent 16:52_

**_from the sounds of it yes_ **

**_Sent 16:52_ **

**_but ive only been his best friend for 15 yrs wut would i no_ **

**_Sent 16:53_ **

_so whats his problem_

_Sent 16:54_

**_idk_ **

**_Sent 16:55_ **

**_thats y i asked u_ **

**_Sent 16:55_ **

_oh_

_Sent 16:56_

_well this has been a weird conversation_

_Sent 16:56_

**_we should do this more often_ **

**_Sent 16:56_ **

* * *

**I will kill you**

**Sent 23:20**

**_ah_ **

**_Sent 23:21_ **

**_so he asked u_ **

**_Sent 23:21_ **

**asked me?**

**Sent 23:22**

**he barged into my house and nearly broke my door**

**Sent 23:22**

**_how romantic_ **

**_Sent 23:23_ **

**Niall**

**Sent 23:24**

**We had the biggest fight I’ve ever had in my life**

**Sent 23:24**

**_oh_ **

**_Sent 23:24_ **

**_well in my defence u r emotionally constipated_ **

**_Sent 23:25_ **

**YOU DON’T GET TO DEFEND YOURSELF RIGHT NOW**

**Sent 23:26**

**_u r tho_ **

**_Sent 23:27_ **

**You’re walking on thin ice Niall**

**Sent 23:28**

**_wut happened? y r u fighting?_ **

**_Sent 23:29_ **

**he wanted to talk like adults about this whole thing and I didn’t want to that’s all**

**Sent 23:30**

**_LOUIS_ **

**_Sent 23:31_ **

**_UR FUCKING DOING IT AGAIN_ **

**_Sent 23:31_ **

**_STOP NOT TELLING ME UR FEELINGS_ **

**_Sent 23:31_ **

**I just don’t like the way I feel around him and maybe if I fuck him into submission the feelings will go away**

**Sent 23:36**

**_wut feels r u getting_ **

**_Sent 23:36_ **

**I'm scared of how possessive I am of him**

**Sent 23:40**

**I scare myself with the amount of hickeys I’ve given him or the feeling I get when I read the newspaper or something and theres a big picture of him and her**

**Sent 23:41**

**And then I realise that I’ve only met him a few weeks ago and then that scares me even more**

**Sent 23:42**

**_i dont c wut ur worring about_ **

**_Sent 23:43_ **

**_uve always been possessive_ **

**_Sent 23:44_ **

**_remember the great textbook war of second year uni_ **

**_Sent 23:44_ **

**YOU HAD THE MONEY WHY DID YOU NOT GET YOUR OWN TEXTBOOKS?**

**Sent 23:45**

**_cuz it annoyed u_ **

**_Sent 23:46_ **

**But I’m even more possessive with him**

**Sent 23:46**

**_u always gonna be extra possessive wit the guy you looovvveeee_ **

**_Sent 23:47_ **

**We’ve only just met don’t be ridiculous**

**Sent 23:47**

**But you know maybe in the future I guess**

**Sent 23:48**

**_while were bein honest wit our feels n shit_ **

**_Sent 23:49_ **

**_ur ex used 2 have a crush on me n he kissed me n i kinda liked it_ **

**_Sent 23:49_ **

**What a coincidence**

**Sent 23:50**

**Same thing happened with me and your brother**

**Sent 23:50**

**_u sick twisted bastard_ **

**_Sent 23:51_ **

**muhahahaha**

**Sent 23:52**

* * *

28/1/14

_erm so me and Lou had a pretty big fight last night about the whole girlfriend thing so if you have a plan of some sort that would be quite helpful right now_

_Sent 9:30_

well me and Li have been brainstorming a bit and we have a few ideas

Sent 9:32

you could plant cocaine in her handbag and breakup with her due to her drug use

Sent 9:33

_that is evil_

_Sent 9:33_

_like really evil I couldn’t do that to her_

_Sent 9:33_

well ok

Sent 9:34

get a private detective to follow her around and get photos of her real boyfriend

Sent 9:34

_shes single and gay_

_Sent 9:35_

god she is making my life difficult

Sent 9:35

ok we have be real mean to her until she goes away or announce that the relationship is for publicity

Sent 9:36

_doesn’t that ruin the rep of the band_

_Sent 9:36_

We’re willing to sacrifice that for you

Sent 9:37

_but I couldn’t do that_

_Sent 9:38_

well then we’re out of ideas

Sent 9:38

apart from the obvious one

Sent 9:39

_what?_

_Sent 9:39_

_become straight?_

_Sent 9:39_

no the other one

Sent 9:39

_oh_

_Sent 9:40_

yup

Sent 9:40

_when_

_Sent 9:41_

on Alan Carr

Sent 9:41

_ill do it_

_Sent 9:43_

wait really?

Sent 9:44

_I dont see why not_

_Sent 9:45_

you going to tell Louis?

Sent 9:46

_well hes not speaking to me at the moment_

_Sent 9:47_

_So I guess itll be a surprise_

_Sent 9:47_

it wont be much of a surprise

Sent 9:48

he knows you’re gay

Sent 9:48

_water is also wet and the sun is bright_

_Sent 9:49_

_got any more truth bombs for me?_

_Sent 9:50_

Liam once pissed in your apple juice and you never noticed

Sent 9:51

How’s that for a truth bomb?

Sent 9:51

_I WILL KILL THE PAIR OF YOU IN YOUR SLEEP_

_Sent 9:52_

wonderful

Sent 9:53

See you at the meeting xx

Sent 9:54

30/1/14

_Louis_

_Sent 20:00_

_I know you’re mad at me_

_Sent 20:01_

_But please watch us on alan carr tonight_

_Sent 20:01_

_Lou?_

_Sent 20:10_

**I might**

**Sent 20:12**

_please do_

_Sent 20:12_

Transcript of the live taping of Alan Carr: Chatty Man with One Direction

Alan: And introducing the 15 year old equivalent of a vibrator, please get your hands ready for my next guests One Direction!

  _The Backstreet Boys play as the boys, Harry Zayn and Liam, make their way down the stairs and each greet Alan before sitting on the couch. Although it is quite a spacious couch and there is only three of them, they manage to sit on top of each other. Alan laughs as they practically squash each other_

Alan: Got enough room there?

Zayn: Oh we’re fine honestly

Liam: You should see our tour bus

Harry: Practically an orgy in there

_Alan and the audience laugh_

Alan: Now what would you like?

_Alan opens up his novelty wine cooler in the shape of a globe. Suddenly Liam looks interested._

Liam: What have you got?

_Alan pulls out each drink as he says them_

Alan: We have Malibu, Baileys, Bloody Marys and whats this?

_Alan reaches deep down into the seemingly bottomless globe_

Alan: Vodka juice boxes? Is that a thing?

_Alan pulls out a huge white juice box which instead of juice it has Vodka written on it in huge black letters. It seems almost too comical. Alan passes them around_

Harry: I’ll take one

Zayn: Yeah me too

Liam: I haven’t had one of these since Primary School

_Alan gives him a disbelieving look. As does Zayn._

Zayn: Well no wonder you needed the kidney transplant

Liam: I meant the juice box

_Meanwhile Harry has been fiddling with the straw of his juice box and is thrilled to discover that the straw is extendable. He nudges Zayn_

Harry: Its extendable!

_Zayn rolls his eyes in a “do you see what I have to put up with” way. Alan nods sympathetically. Alan then claps his hands together._

Alan: So how have you been?

Liam:  Well we’ve been on holiday really. Just relaxing after the new album’s been released.

Alan: And what an album it was. I honestly didn’t think it was you lot when I first listened to it. I went back to the shop and asked if they were sure it was One Direction.

Zayn: Yeah, we were just sort of sick of singing these nonsensical lyrics like oh I dunno “You’re so Paris when we kiss.” Like I’ve been singing that for about a year and a bit now and I still have no idea what it means.

Liam: We just wanted to move away from that whole boy band thing of being marketed at twelve year olds. Like honestly we’re grown men singing about na na’s.

_Alan and audience laugh_

Liam: It was getting ridiculous. So yeah we’ve moved away from that now.

Harry: Although if you look at our merch it’s a whole different story.

Alan: Did you know you have singing toothbrushes? My goddaughter has one. Drives her parents insane.

_Harry laughs_

Harry: Yeah my sister got one as a joke and now she wakes her boyfriend up with it at like 6 in the morning.

Zayn: No my favourite one is always the towel because of just how creepy it is.

Liam: Yeah not only does it look nothing like us but our faces are touching the naked butts of 12 year olds everywhere.

_Alan laughs_

Harry: Which is not something we approve of by the way.

Liam: Runner up would always be the contact lenses with a picture of us from like 2010 on it.

Harry: Really puts a whole new meaning on “I can see it in your eyes you’re disappointed”

Zayn: But then all the pictures on the merch are from 2010.

Harry: I saw one from 2011. I nearly bought it before I realised how stupid I would look buying a necklace with my face on it.

Alan: So what merch would you like?

Harry: I dunno really. What do you think?

Alan: Well if you’re really into losing the 12 year olds you could release a range of sex toys called One Erection.

_The boys laugh_

Liam: That is a fantastic idea

Zayn: Have dildos with “Cum on Cum on” written on them

Harry: Singing vibrators that sing Rock me

Alan: We may need to stop the ideas now, one more mention of S-E-X and we lose our PG rating.

Harry: What? we can have vodka but no sex? What’s the point of the vodka?

Alan: Speaking of sex is anybody not single here?

Harry: Oh! Me!

Alan: Ooooohh do tell!

Harry: Well he’s just fantastic really and I-

Alan: He?

_Harry nods quite proudly and has a smile so bright the audience needs sunglasses. Alan starts singing I’m Coming Out really dreadfully. Harry laughs._

Harry: Surprise!

Liam: If you be really quiet you can actually hear the hearts of our fans breaking.

Harry: It is a bit of a double whammy. Taken and gay.

Alan: So who is he?

Harry: No one you’d know. He is hot though.

Zayn: He is

_Liam nods_

Harry: However if he’s watching he also has a sparkling personality which is the main reason I’m with him.

_Alan laughs_

 Alan: So how about you two? Seeing anyone special?

Liam: Yeah each other

_Harry appears to have just had an aneurysm_

Alan: What? Really?

Zayn: Yeah since like 2011

Alan: No way

Liam: Yep we're all queer. 

Alan: My God if you were Nsync my teenage self would have just cummed in his jeans.

_Zayn and Liam laugh._

Alan: Well on that bombshell we introduce my next guest

* * *

_did you see it?_

_Sent 23:10_

**I did**

**Sent 23:11**

_and what did you think?_

_Sent 23:12_

**I thought One Direction sex toys was a great idea**

**Sent 23:12**

_no about me_

_Sent 23:13_

**Did you do it for me?**

**Sent 23:14**

_kinda but not really_

_Sent 23:15_

**Well that’s ok then**

**Sent 23:16**

**Also could you hurry up and get home**

**Sent 23:16**

_why_

_Sent 23:17_

**I’m at your doorstep**

**Sent 23:18**

**and it’s really cold**

**Sent 23:19**

_does this mean we can actually talk now?_

_Sent 23:20_

**After celebratory sex?**

**Sent 23:21**

_maybe_

_Sent 23:22_

_depends how naked you are when i get home ;)_

_Sent 23:22_

**But I’m sitting on your doorstep**

**Sent 23:23**

**in the cold**

**Sent 23:23**

_well theres your answer_

_Sent 23:23_

**x**

**Sent 23:25**

_oh lou_

_Sent 23:25_

_you really want to fuck me don’t you_

_Sent 23:25_

**Yes**

**Sent 23:26**

_but in your words “if youre trying to seduce me itll take more than a dick pic”_

_Sent 23:27_

**But you’re paraphrasing that’s not fair**

**Sent 23:27**

_welllllll_

_Sent 23:28_

_alright you win_

_Sent 23:28_

_but if i get home and your nipples have turned blue then you get no sex_

_Sent 23:28_

_i refuse to have sex with an icicle_

_Sent 23:29_

**Babe I am trying to be romantic here by waiting by your doorstep so we can make mad passionate love and you are getting picky about the colour of my nipples**

**Sent 23:30**

**Priorities**

**Sent 23:30**

_my main priority is you not getting pneumonia_

_Sent 23:30_

_maybe we should just lay by the fire and snuggle_

_Sent 23:30_

**how dare you out romantic me?**

**Sent 23:31**

_there will be hot chocolate_

_Sent 23:32_

**Take me**

**Sent 23:32**

_i will in a sec just got out the taxi_

_Sent 23:33_

**see you xxx**

**Sent 23:34**

* * *

** Harry Styles’s Secret Boyfriend Revealed  **

The One Direction boys have caused a bit of a scandal, which you have most likely heard of unless you live under a rock. Harry Styles has been the most targeted by the scandal over who was the man who brought him out of his shell (or closet). Harry tweeted a picture of his man today celebrating Harry’s 20th Birthday. The man in question is Louis Tomlinson, a tattooed pre-school teacher. We think its adorable that they’re acting like an old married couple already

 

 


	2. How Zayn and Liam happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Like who does that?
> 
> Sent 17:42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I wasn't expecting this. Both Wicked Games and TIWTWI (yes I'm acronym-ing it) have gotten far more hits and comments than I could ever dreamed of and I just want to say a quick thank you to everyone who left kudos or commented. You are fantastic people thank you so much.
> 
> Right now down to business. So this is how Zayn and Liam initially got together. I may build more onto this because this is really only the beginnings of Liam and Zayn. But I have so many other ideas for this fic my goodness this could get long. 
> 
> At any rate enjoy chapter 2.

14/8/11

_Hellloooooo fellow bandmate_

_Sent 15:01_

god dont say that this is really weird

Sent 15:02

_weird?_

_Sent 15:02_

_this is awesome_

_Sent 15:02_

_WE’RE GOING TO BE ON TV_

_Sent 15:03_

Please stop talking

Sent 15:03

_but whyyyyy?_

_Sent 15:03_

why do we need Liam?

Sent 15:04

_are you deaf?_

_Sent 15:05_

_we should be thanking our lucky stars that he’s in with us_

_Sent 15:05_

_the boy can sing_

_Sent 15:06_

So can we

Sent 15:07

_Boy bands need more than 2 members_

_Sent 15:07_

What about Wham!

Sent 15:08

_everyone knows their producer was the third member_

_Sent 15:09_

do they?

Sent 15:10

_I don’t know I made that up_

_Sent 15:11_

_But you got to give him a chance_

_Sent 15:12_

_We sound proper amazing with him_

_Sent 15:12_

we could sound proper amazing without him

Sent 15:13

_what is your problem?_

_Sent 15:13_

_hes really nice he can sing and he knows what we’re doing_

_Sent 15:13_

_We would be so lost without him and wed fight over who sung what_

_Sent 15:13_

Ok fine I may have met Liam before

Sent 15:14

_what really?_

_Sent 15:15_

And I may have also chatted him up at a bar and he turned me down

Sent 15:16

_you are shitting me right?_

_Sent 15:17_

no

Sent 15:18

_omg this is like a plot to a rom com_

_Sent 15:19_

_THIS IS DESTINEY ZAYN_

_Sent 15:20_

_you and him HAVE to be together_

_Sent 15:20_

_its FATE_

_Sent 15:20_

don’t be so fucking ridiculous

Sent 15:21

_you can’t mess with fate_

_Sent 15:22_

what the fuck would you know about fate you teenager

Sent 15:23

_I am only a few months younger than you_

_Sent 15:23_

by a few months I am assuming that you mean a whole YEAR

Sent 15:23

_and you are eightTEEN_

_Sent 15:24_

_notice the TEEN_

_Sent 15:24_

ugh I hate you

Sent 15:25

_well hate me all you like at least try to not be so damn awkward around Liam_

_Sent 15:25_

_and maybe I’ll drop the whole fate thing_

_Sent 15:25_

Fine, but don’t you ever bring that up again.

Sent 15:26

_ok_

_Sent 15:26_

_but what should I wear for your wedding?_

_Sent 15:27_

You are dead to me

Sent 15:28

_worth it_

_Sent 15:28_

* * *

 

Note left on Zayns bed at the the X factor house 17/8/11

Zayn

Look I just wanted to say sorry. You’ve been acting really uncomfortable around me and I don’t really blame you. 100% my fault. Its just I went to that bar to get some alone time because my girlfriend had just dumped me and I was in a real shitty mood. I’m sorry for acting so rude to you and calling you something I really shouldn’t have considering if my girlfriend had not just dumped me I would have said yes.

Liam

* * *

 

17/8/11

_HE WROTE YOU A NOTE_

_Sent 17:40_

_HE WOULD HAVE SAID YES_

_Sent 17:40_

_WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT DESTINY??_

_Sent 17:40_

you read the note?

Sent 17:40

The one that had Zayn written on it?

Sent 17:40

_Zayn I was the one who said he should write it_

_Sent 17:41_

_Did you know he doesn’t have a mobile phone?_

_Sent 17:41_

_Like who does that?_

_Sent 17:42_

you didn’t bring up the whole destiny thing did you?

Sent 17:42

_maybe_

_Sent 17:43_

_I said “Liam destiny clearly has something to say about you and Zayn so why don’t you try and sleep with him eh?”_

_Sent 17:43_

You fucking didn’t

Sent 17:44

_no I didn’t_

_Sent 17:44_

_starting to wish I did though_

_Sent 17:45_

_no he asked me why you were so awkward all the time_

_Sent 17:46_

_and then im all “you don’t remember?”_

_Sent 17:46_

_and then he goes all pale and says “he’s not the hot guy from the bar is he?”_

_Sent 17:47_

_and then im like “no it was the pathetic one who came on to you and you said no,”_

_Sent 17:47_

_and he said fuck what do I do?_

_Sent 17:47_

_and I say don’t talk to him cuz he will faint or run away,  so text him or something_

_Sent 17:48_

_and he says, get this, I don’t have a phone_

_Sent 17:48_

_and I’m all like are you for real like who doesn’t have a phone it’s the 21 st century get with the times grandpa_

_Sent 17:48_

_seriously though he doesn’t have a phone you may need to fight destiny on this one_

_Sent 17:48_

fucking hell harry get over it and tell me what happened next

Sent 17:49

_oh well I said write him a note or something and he went thanks and walked away_

_Sent 17:49_

those were possibly the most unnecessary texts I have ever received.  

Sent 17:50

_did you not notice that he called you hot?_

_Sent 17:51_

he what?

Sent 17:51

_he remembers you as that hot guy from the bar_

_Sent 17:52_

_youre in buddy hes there for the taking_

_Sent 17:52_

I don’t know how to react to this information

Sent 5:53

_well clearly you need to write him a note back_

_Sent 5:53_

_my god you are so unromantic_

_Sent 17:53_

_its almost like ive never made you watch the notebook a gazillion times_

_Sent 17:54_

Well sorry that my favourite movie isn’t fucking Shallow Hal or something

Sent 17:55

_you cannot compare Shallow Hal and The Notebook_

_Sent 17:55_

_theyre completely different_

_Sent 17:55_

I don’t care at the moment Harry

Sent 17:56

Now for fucks sake what should I write in this damn note

Sent 17:56

_something about him taking you away and making wild passionate love on the Caribbean_

_Sent 17:57_

We’re going for subtle Harry

Sent 17:58

_switch the Caribbean for Butlins_

_Sent 17:59_

Seriously?

Sent 18:00

Butlins?

Sent 18:00

_how about you forgive him or something_

_Sent 18:01_

_thatd be romantic_

_Sent 18:01_

Alright then

Sent 18:02

Now the good ideas come out

Sent 18:02

_say something like i forgave you the second we glanced at each other across the crowded audition room and i thought to myself i must have you_

_Sent 18:03_

And the good ideas quickly go away again

Sent 18:03

I think I’m done with any sort of input from you

Sent 18:04

_aww come on i was only joking_

_Sent 18:04_

No

Sent 18:05

_its true though_

_Sent 18:06_

shut up

Sent 18:07

* * *

 

Note smuggled underneath Liam’s pillow so a certain Harry Styles can’t find it 18/8/11

Would you still say yes?

Zayn

* * *

 

Note found under the covers on Zayn’s bed 18/8/11

You still offering? 

* * *

 

Note thrown at Liam at 4 in the morning 19/8/11

meet me at the back of the house in 10

* * *

 

 22/8/11

_ok something has gone down between you two_

_Sent 16:40_

_because you’ve been eyeballing each other for about two days now_

_Sent 16:40_

_and I for one am feeling like not enough attention is being paid to me_

_Sent 16:41_

_also where are you?_

_Sent 16:42_

Ok if anyone asks why I am coming out of airing cupboards looking dishevelled tell them I have a passion for cleaning products

Sent 16:51

_ZAYN_

_Sent 16:51_

_TELL ME YOU ARE NOT SHAGGING LIAM IN AIRING CUPBOARDS_

_Sent 16:52_

ok I am not shagging Liam in airing cupboards

Sent 16:53

_its no use you dont mean it_

_Sent 16:53_

well excuse me for getting laid

Sent 16:54

_isnt it really cramped in there_

_Sent 16:55_

well yes

Sent 16:56

But where else to you expect us to go

Sent 16:56

_but what if someone wants a towel or something and BAM there you are humping like rabbits_

_Sent 16:57_

we’re not up to humping we’re at the blow job stage

Sent 16:58

_did not need to know that_

_Sent 16:59_

I think you might have

Sent 17:00

_at any rate you have my blessing_

_Sent 17:02_

_but for the love of fuck use condoms and don’t get caught_

_Sent 17:02_

thank you harry

Sent 17:03

_now whens rehearsal?_

_Sent 17:04_


	3. Operation Nemma/ Giall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I mean theyre my friends and I love them but...
> 
> Sent 15:50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW CHAPTER WOOO
> 
> Finally!
> 
> Soooo idk what to say, I don't even know why I wrote this, I guess I thought Niall was pretty left out so he gets a whole chapter about him. 
> 
> Fun Fact: Gemma was originally going to be Josh
> 
> So yeah enjoy

_ 3/2/14 _

**So how’d you go last night?**

**Sent 17:31**

**_now u feel pity 4 me_ **

**_Sent 17:32_ **

**what?**

**Sent 17:33**

**_U IGNORED ME THE ENTIRE NITE_ **

**_Sent 17:33_ **

**I’m sorry**

**Sent 17:34**

**Harry wanted me to meet his friends**

**Sent 17:34**

**_i was Nellie no friends_ **

**_Sent 17:35_ **

**and how is that different from any other night?**

**Sent 17:36**

**_I HAVE FRIENDS_ **

**_Sent 17:37_ **

**whatever gets you through the day**

**Sent 17:37**

**anyway you had Gemma**

**Sent 17:38**

**_i hate her_ **

**_Sent 17:39_ **

**Liar**

**Sent 17:40**

**Flirted with her all night**

**Sent 17:40**

**_did not_ **

**_Sent 17:42_ **

**you fucking well did**

**Sent 17:42**

**I tried to talk to you all night but you were practically humping her leg**

**Sent 17:43**

**_dont b so fucking ridiculous_ **

**_Sent 17:43_ **

**_shes such a fucking smartarse_ **

**_Sent 17:44_ **

**_made jokes out of everthing i fucking said_ **

**_Sent 17:44_ **

**sounds familiar**

**Sent 17:45**

**_im not that bad_ **

**_Sent 17:46_ **

**yes**

**Sent 17:46**

**yes you are**

**Sent 17:46**

**_shut up_ **

**_Sent 17:47_ **

**_and she wouldnt stop going on and on about fucking footy_ **

**_Sent 17:48_ **

**_who gives a fucking shit_ **

**_Sent 17:48_ **

**Says you Mrs Beckham**

**Sent 17:49**

**_yeah but she wasnt talking about my true love she was talking about Arsenal_ **

**_Sent 17:50_ **

**who you like**

**Sent 17:50**

**face it Niall you like the girl**

**Sent 17:51**

**_i fucking do fucking not_ **

**_Sent 17:51_ **

**mm hm**

**Sent 17:52**

**whatever you say**

**Sent 17:52**

* * *

**Babe**

**Sent 18:05**

_what_

_Sent 18:06_

**Niall totally has a crush on Gemma**

**Sent 18:06**

**we HAVE to set them up**

**Sent 18:07**

_were going to be THAT couple are we?_

_Sent 18:08_

_also duuudddee_

_Sent 18:08_

_thats my sister_

_Sent 18:09_

**oh get over yourself it’ll be great**

**Sent 18:09**

**Also I happen to know for a fact that you set Zayn and Liam up**

**Sent 18:10**

**So we were already THAT couple before we even were a couple**

**Sent 18:10**

_how we going to do this_

_Sent 18:11_

_OH we could do a clueless_

_Sent 18:13_

**We don’t have the time for a clueless**

**Sent 18:13**

**I was thinking more along the lines of a classic**

**Sent 18:14**

_what like pride and prejudice_

_Sent 18:15_

**No like Much Ado About Nothing**

**Sent 18:15**

_I havent seen that yet_

_Sent 18:16_

**Movie night?**

**Sent 18:17**

_be over in 10 xxx_

_Sent 18:16_

* * *

_ 5/2/14 _

_babe_

_Sent 13:15_

_guess what_

_Sent 13:16_

_Gemma has a huge crush on Niall_

_Sent 13:16_

_like I asked her what she thought of Niall_

_Sent 13:16_

_and she went id fuck him into the mattress any day_

_Sent 13:17_

_Also she said she was really cute_

_Sent 13:17_

_Babe?_

_Sent 13:18_

_Lou?_

_Sent 13:20_

_normally you’ve texted me back in gibberish by now what’s up?_

_Sent 13:21_

**_this isn’t Louis_ **

**_Sent 13:25_ **

_SHIT_

_Sent 13:25_

_FUCK_

_Sent 13:26_

_FUCKITY FUCK_

_Sent 13:26_

_YOU DIDN’T SEE ANY OF THAT_

_Sent 13:27_

**_ok…._ **

**_Sent 13:28_ **

* * *

_babe_

_Sent 13:15_

_guess what_

_Sent 13:16_

_Niall has a huge crush on Gemma_

_Sent 13:16_

_like I asked him what he thought of Gemma_

_Sent 13:16_

_and he went its a shame she’s harry’s sister because id fuck her into the mattress any day_

_Sent 13:17_

_Also he said she was really cute_

_Sent 13:17_

_Babe?_

_Sent 13:18_

_Lou?_

_Sent 13:20_

_normally you’ve texted me back in gibberish by now what’s up?_

_Sent 13:21_

harry what are you doing

Sent 13:22

_SHIT_

_Sent 13:22_

_FUCK_

_Sent 13:22_

_YOU DIDN’T JUST READ THAT_

_Sent 13:23_

are we in high school now?

Sent 13:23

if you want us to get together just say so

Sent 13:23

_would you say yes tho?_

_Sent 13:24_

I don’t know maybe

Sent 13:25

Only if you cut down on the romantic comedies

Sent 13:26

_you may be asking too much there friend_

_Sent 13:26_

_besides it was Lou’s idea_

_Sent 13:27_

so you’re THAT couple

Sent 13:28

_yepp_

_Sent 13:29_

_and proud of it_

_Sent 13:29_

you’re the worst kind of couple you know that

Sent 13:30

keep your happiness to yourself

Sent 13:30

_shut up and let me get you laid_

_Sent 13:31_

ew that’s gross you’re my brother

Sent 13:32

_this is what I get for hooking you up_

_Sent 13:33_

give me his damn number and Ill see what I can do

Sent 13:34

none of your high school rubbish

Sent 13:35

_dude_

_Sent 13:35_

:p

Sent 13:36

* * *

heyyy

Sent 15:44

**_hi_ **

**_Sent 15:44_ **

**_who is this_ **

**_Sent 15:45_ **

its gemma

Sent 15:45

**_oh_ **

**_Sent 15:46_ **

**_hi_ **

**_Sent 15:46_ **

hi

Sent 15:47

**_so did Harry do the thing to u 2?_ **

**_Sent 15:48_ **

yes he fucking did

Sent 15:49

**_ugh ikr_ **

**_Sent 15:49_ **

**_I mean theyre my friends and I love them but.._ **

**_Sent 15:50_ **

jfc theyre stupid?

Sent 15:50

**_exactly_ **

**_Sent 15:50_ **

**_like did they rly expect that to work_ **

**_Sent 15:50_ **

Unfortunately yes, yes they did

Sent 15:51

Do you have a huge crush on me though?

Sent 15:52

**_if u asked me 2 sleep wit u i wouldnt say no_ **

**_Sent 15:53_ **

what would you say

Sent 15:54

**_ur place or mine?_ **

**_Sent 15:55_ **

Ill be over in five

Sent 15:55

* * *

_ 6/2/14 _

**So hows my favourite friend going?**

**Sent 12:11**

**_i didnt fuck her_ **

**_Sent 12:15_ **

**Of course you didn’t**

**Sent 12:16**

**that’s why you were doing your “I just had sex” strut into work this morning**

**Sent 12:16**

**_its not like that_ **

**_Sent_ ** **12:16**

**_were not like u n haz_ **

**_Sent 12:17_ **

**_were not dating after 10 seconds of noing each other_ **

**_Sent 12:17_ **

**this isn’t about me**

**Sent 12:18**

**and in my defence harry is really hot and I am but a horny simple man**

**Sent 12:18**

**_u got the simple part right_ **

**_Sent 12:19_ **

**Niall tell me everything**

**Sent 12:19**

**_idk it just sorta happened_ **

**_Sent 12:20_ **

**_she hit on me i hitted on back_ **

**_Sent 12:20_ **

**_it happened u no_ **

**_Sent 12:20_ **

**yeah ok**

**Sent 12:21**

**_wut_ **

**_Sent 12:21_ **

**I don’t think this is your average fuck buddy situation**

**Sent 12:22**

**_i dont think u think at all_ **

**_Sent 12:22_ **

**you like her**

**Sent 12:23**

**I can sense it**

**Sent 12:23**

**_i can sense that ur wrong_ **

**_Sent 12:24_ **

**I’m telling you Niall this may be the one**

**Sent 12:25**

**_whos love life is this again?_ **

**_Sent 12:25_ **

**_oh thats right MINE_ **

**_Sent 12:25_ **

**you don’t get a say**

**Sent 12:26**

**_wuteva_ **

**_Sent 12:27_ **

**_ill be over here bein a responsible adult n not actin like a highschooler_ **

**_Sent 12:27_ **

**get off your high horse Niall I can see you playing with the dollhouse from here**

**Sent 12:28**

**_y must u always ruin my life_ **

**_Sent 12:28_ **

**you make it too easy**

**Sent 12:29**

**I’m coming over there you look like you’re having too much fun**

**Sent 12:30**

* * *

_soooooooooooo_

_Sent 15:20_

yes it happened

Sent 15:21

_whens the wedding_

_Sent 15:21_

woah there

Sent 15:22

_dont you woah me this is happening_

_Sent 15:23_

_ive planned it_

_Sent 15:23_

well unplan it because it was a one time thing

Sent 15:23

_oh what!?_

_Sent 15:24_

_that’s not fair_

_Sent 15:24_

_youre ruining my dreams_

_Sent 15:25_

look if you love Niall so much why don’t you marry him?

Sent 15:26

_fine I will_

_Sent 15:26_

fine

Sent 15:27

I hope you’re happy together

Sent 15:27

_oh_

_Sent 15:27_

_we will be_

_Sent 15:28_

See you two at Mum’s on Sunday then

Sent 15:28

_fine_

_Sent 15:28_

fine

Sent 15:29

_fine_

_Sent 15:29_

FINE

Sent 15:29

_FINE_

_Sent 15:30_

DAMNIT HARRY LET ME HAVE THE LAST WORD

Sent 15:31

_FINE_

_Sent 16:00_

GODDAMNIT

Sent 16:01 

* * *

_well babe_

_Sent 21:20_

_I think we can deem operation Nemma a failure_

_Sent 21:20_

**I thought we were calling it Giall**

**Sent 21:21**

_well whatever it didnt work_

_Sent 21:21_

**hmmmm**

**Sent 21;25**

_what_

_Sent 21:25_

**you wouldn’t happen to know David Beckham**

**Sent 21:26**

_sort of_

_Sent 21:26_

_why?_

_Sent 21:26_

**I have an idea**

**Sent 21:26**

* * *

 

_10/2/14_

_Photo that Louis sent Niall that Louis feels accurately represents the meeting_

__

**_u have 2 much time on ur hands_ **

**_Sent 12:35_ **

**_im framing it_ **

**_Sent 12:35_ **

 


	4. The one where they nearly broke up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> im over mopey harry he does nothing but use up all my tissues
> 
> Sent 17:07

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well this is longer than expected and its a serious chapter as well which is something i guess considering that last one with david beckham
> 
> but i made my goal i said i would finish it before the date in the chapter and I did yay me!!
> 
> so enjoy this chapter i am proud of
> 
> pictures arent mine

14/11/2014

_Lou we’ve been dating now for 10 months and I’ve really grown used to being around the place and I know its only been 10 months but its been a great 10 months and we already practically doing it so I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to maybe possibly move in together?_

_Sent 17:30_

**You couldn’t have asked me this like five minutes ago when you were right in front of me?**

**Sent 17:36**

_you were at work though_

_Sent 17:36_

_didnt want to make you cry in public :P_

_Sent 17:36_

**no we wouldn’t want to ruin my bad boy image**

**Sent 17:37**

**if anything I probably would have hit you on the arm for asking before I did**

**Sent 17:38**

_wait what?_

_Sent 17:39_

**yeah I was gonna do the big romantic gesture thing tonight but I guess I won’t bother now**

**Sent 17:39**

**Think we’ll just get McDonald’s instead**

**Sent 17:40**

_seriously?_

_Sent 17:42_

_how romantic_

_Sent 17:42_

**Hey don’t knock it til you try it**

**Sent 17:43**

**When you are a broke uni student who wants to get laid you make do with what you’ve got**

**Sent 17:43**

_oh really?_

_Sent 17: 44_

**You wouldn’t believe the amount of boys and girls I’ve pulled with the help of Ronald**

**Sent 17:45**

_enlighten me_

_Sent 17:45_

**You gotta follow Ronald’s big 3**

**Sent 17:46**

**Children, Community, Cruelty free**

**Sent 17:46**

_oh alliteration nice_

_Sent 17:47_

**Havent even heard the best part yet**

**Sent 17:48**

**You start off with children by pointing out the playground as you walk in and then talk about your young relative that you sometimes look after and feel a close bond with**

**Sent 17:48**

**You continue to then point out the community board with all the events on it next to the cash register while you’re waiting for your order. You talk about something you volunteered for that one time**

**Sent 17:49**

**And then while you’re eating mention how cool it is that McDonalds no longer supports cruelty to animals and how you worked with SPCA for a while**

**Sent 17:49**

**As long as you mention those they are all yours**

**Sent 17:50**

_that sounds absolutely terrible_

_Sent 17:51_

_the only person you should be allowed to pull is your right hand._

_Sent 17:52_

**You say that now but when I try it on you tonight you’ll be begging for it**

**Sent 17:53**

_aren’t you the one whos usually begging for it_

_Sent 17:54_

**Not the point babe**

**Sent 17:55**

_well anyway_

_Sent 17:56_

_is that a yes then?_

_Sent 17:56_

**That is very much a yes**

**Sent 17:58**

_brill_

_Sent 17:59_

**Seriously?**

**Sent 18:02**

**Brill?**

**Sent 18:02**

_what?_

_Sent 18:04_

**I want us to live together and all you have to say about it is brill?**

**Sent 18:05**

_brill is an acceptable response_

_Sent 18:05_

_but just for the sake of argument assume it isn’t_

_Sent 18:16_

_what would you rather me say?_

_Sent 18:16_

**Oh I don’t know something like**

**Sent 18:17**

**Louis, almighty sex god and very attractive man who I am not worthy of, I love you with the intensity of a thousand suns, there are mountains that are not as big as my love for you. And because of this love, I promise to suck you off every single waking moment of the day.**

**Sent 18:19**

_good lord_

_Sent 18:20_

_well I’ll give it a go_

_Sent 18:21_

_You’re right I’m not worthy of you, you are this amazing hilarious fucking gorgeous man and in all honesty I could probably spend the rest of my life with you and I probably wouldn’t complain much. I think you’re fantastic even though you usually end up using me as a mattress when we sleep together and you feel like youre the only one who can deal with your problems like youre on some fucked up knights quest. But I love you. I really really do ever since you texted me back even though I seemed like a total creep randomly texting someone a dick pic. and I don’t know if I can suck you off every waking moment but I am willing to give it a shot._

_Sent 18:32_

_is that better?_

_Sent 18:35_

**you’re making me cry in the middle of the traffic jam**

**Sent 18:36**

_you big sook_

_Sent 18:37_

**I love you too**

**Sent 18:38**

_aw now you’re just getting sappy_

_Sent 18:40_

**says the guy obsessed with rom coms**

**Sent 18:41**

_now theres the Louis I know and love_

_Sent 18:42_

**shut up**

**Sent 18:43**

**I can be sappy sometimes**

**Sent 18:43**

_you can not_

_Sent 18:44_

_like the other night when you were cooking I was like you are really adorable_

_Sent 18:44_

_and you went bright red and went PAPRIKA_

_Sent 18:45_

**I needed it though**

**Sent 18:45**

_You were making a salad_

_Sent 18:46_

_you nearly ruined leftover night_

_Sent 18:46_

**I think the fact we have a leftover night and we don’t even live together is sappy enough**

**Sent 18:47**

_admit it_

_Sent 18:48_

_youre bad with the sappy stuff_

_Sent 18:49_

_what does Niall call you? Emotionally constipated?_

_Sent 18:50_

**Don’t you bring Niall into this we agreed long ago his opinion doesnt count**

**Sent 18:51**

_Lewis_

_Sent 18:52_

**ok fine I might have a slight problem with the sappy stuff**

**Sent 18:52**

_AHA_

_Sent 18:52_

**BUT I CAN BE SAPPY WHEN I WANT TO BE**

**Sent 18:53**

_yeah alright ok whatever_

_Sent 18:54_

**But I can though**

**Sent 18:55**

_babe you don’t have to prove anything I’ll still love you_

_Sent 18:56_

_I don’t need compliments all the time I’m not Zayn_

_Sent 18:57_

**but you know I do love you right?**

**Sent 18:58**

**I'm not in this for the sex however good it is**

**Sent 18:58**

**I am in this for you**

**Sent 18:59**

_too little too late_

_Sent 19:00_

**what?!**

**Sent 19:00**

**that’s not fair**

**Sent 19:01**

_ok fine I’ll accept it_

_Sent 19:01_

_but when are you coming over?_

_Sent 19:02_

**when I get the glitter out of my hair**

**Sent 19:03**

_I like it when it’s glittery_

_Sent 19:04_

**I’ll go straight to yours then**

**Sent 19:05**

**see you in 10 xx**

**Sent 19:05**

_ohh look at that you signed it with TWO kisses_

_Sent 19:06_

_I may faint im overcome with affection_

_Sent 19:06_

**in the nicest possible way shut up**

**Sent 19:07**

_love you too xxx_

_Sent 19:07_

* * *

_ZAYN_

_Sent 19:00_

WHAT

Sent 19:01

_HE SAID YES_

_Sent 19:02_

Told you he would

Sent 19:02

_IM REALLY EXCITED ABOUT THIS_

_Sent 19:03_

Well good

Sent 19:03

_WHATS IT LIKE_

_Sent 19:04_

What’s what like

Sent 19:06

_LIVING TOGETHER_

_Sent 19:06_

oh

Sent 19:07

Well a plus is that you can have sex whenever you want

Sent 19:08

_YEAH!!_

_Sent 19:08_

But on the down side you will never want to

Sent 19:09

Like last night Liam ironed his underwear while I watched Miss Marple

Sent 19:09

_woah_

_Sent 19:10_

_you two are more boring than I thought you were_

_Sent 19:10_

Hey it’ll happen to you

Sent 19:11

First two weeks you’re humping like rabbits and then the next week you’re doing the crossword asking each other whats a five letter word similar to discomfort

Sent 19:11

_youre sad man_

_Sent 19:12_

_I had respect for you_

_Sent 19:12_

_and now look at you_

_Sent 19:12_

You’ll be exactly the same just you wait

Sent 19:13

So where are you two living?

Sent 19:14

_idk_

_Sent 19:14_

_he hates my house so probably not there_

_Sent 19:15_

He what?

Sent 19:16

_he hates it_

_Sent 19:16_

_he hasnt said he hates it_

_Sent 19:16_

_but hes only been there twice_

_Sent 19:16_

_and everytime I suggest mine he goes_

_Sent 19:17_

_my place not good enough for the millionaire?_

_Sent 19:17_

_idk why though_

_Sent 19:17_

_maybe he can sense the Nick_

_Sent 19:17_

Ugh

Sent 19:17

_look I know you hated him_

_Sent 19:18_

that’s an understatement

Sent 19:18

_But he was a part of my life for two years_

_Sent 19:18_

Worst two years of my life ever

Sent 19:19

I liked the girls in your straight phase better than I liked him

Sent 19:19

I would actually pray that you would wake up heterosexual one morning just so you would dump Nick

Sent 19:20

_seriously?_

_Sent 19:21_

yeah ask Liam

Sent 19:22

I hated that cunt

Sent 19:22

Do you remember that time when we went out to dinner and service was a bit slower than usual so he actually clicked his fingers at the waiter and said Do you know who I am?

Sent 19:23

Liam said to me yeah a massive tosser

Sent 19:23

And Liam saying that was the only thing stopping me from punching Nick over the table

Sent 19:23

_he wasnt that bad_

_Sent 19:24_

Or that time where we had to go to some premiere and he made you take him.

Sent 19:25

_well I had to take him somewhere he was my boyfriend_

_Sent 19:25_

There were no plus ones

Sent 19:26

he threw a screaming fit until you actually gave up your ticket so he could go

Sent 19:26

you do not understand my loathing of this man

Sent 19:27

_I really dont think he was like that but ok whatever i left him lets move on_

_Sent 19:28_

you left him my ass

Sent 19:29

he dropped you when the next gay famous man came along

Sent 19:30

you only dumped him when he came crawling back after that guy saw through his shit

Sent 19:30

_CAN WE MOVE ON?_

_Sent 19:31_

you’ve opened up an old wound harry

Sent 19:32

theres no going back now

Sent 19:33

_I AM BLOCKING YOUR NUMBER NOW_

_Sent 19:33_

oh Liam’s home I’m gonna go vent to him now

Sent 19:34

He gets me

Sent 19:35

unlike SOME PEOPLE

Sent 19:35

_JUST STOP TALKING_

_Sent 19:36_

* * *

**_so howd it go_ **

**_Sent 23:40_ **

**He asked me**

**Sent 23:40**

**_how dare he_ **

**_Sent 23:41_ **

**_after all ive done 4 this_ **

**_Sent 23:41_ **

**Although I used Ronald’s Big Three on him**

**Sent 23:42**

**_oooooooo_ **

**_Sent 23:43_ **

**_pullin out the big guns_ **

**_Sent 23:43_ **

**And he fell for it**

**Sent 23:44**

**I got laaaiiiiidddd**

**Sent 23:44**

**_so when u movin in2 his_ **

**_Sent 23:45_ **

**I’m not**

**Sent 23:45**

**_excuse ME????_ **

**_Sent 23:46_ **

**_HE HAS 8 TVS_ **

**_Sent 23:46_ **

**_AND A PINBALL MACHINE_ **

**_Sent 23:46_ **

**_IF UR NOT GOING TO LIVE THERE I WILL_ **

**_Sent 23:47_ **

**I kinda want us to move into mine because I can afford that**

**Sent 23:48**

**_BUT HES A MILLIONAIRE_ **

**_Sent 23:49_ **

**_WHO CARES WUT U CAN AFFORD_ **

**_Sent 23:49_ **

**_HE COULD AFFORD A WHOLE COUNTRY_ **

**_Sent 23:49_ **

**But I can’t**

**Sent 23:49**

**_ok wuts the problem here_ **

**_Sent 23:50_ **

**_Louis?_ **

**_Sent 23:55_ **

**I don’t wanna be a freeloader**

**Sent 23:56**

**_its not freeloading if ur fucking him_ **

**_Sent 23:57_ **

**_its an added bonus_ **

**_Sent 23:57_ **

**I don’t think youre seeing my point here**

**Sent 23:59**

**_look maybe u should tell him that u wanna live in a place u can afford_ **

**_Sent 00:00_ **

**But what if he says no**

**Sent 00:01**

**Like he still wants to live in a mansion**

**Sent 00:01**

**_lou_ **

**_Sent 00:02_ **

**_this is harry were talkin about_ **

**_Sent 00:02_ **

**_he wuld walk off a cliff if u wanted him 2_ **

**_Sent 00:02_ **

**I guess you’re right**

**Sent 00:02**

**_ur damn right im right_ **

**_Sent 00:03_ **

**well im going to bed  now**

**Sent 00:04**

**_good night_ **

**_Sent 00:05_ **

* * *

15/11/13

**guess where I am**

**Sent 14:20**

**_where_ **

**_Sent 14:21_ **

**fucking house hunting**

**Sent 14:22**

**_wuts the problem_ **

**_Sent 14:23_ **

**We’ve looked at nothing but mansions ALL DAY**

**Sent 14:23**

**_i thought i told u 2 talk 2 him_ **

**_Sent 14:24_ **

**I tried but he was so excited**

**Sent 14:25**

**He still is**

**Sent 14:25**

**he got excited over a tap**

**Sent 14:25**

**_y_ **

**_Sent 14:26_ **

**It had a thing that showed what temperature the water was**

**Sent 14:27**

**_thats understandable_ **

**_Sent 14:27_ **

**I mean he’s adorable but**

**Sent 14:28**

**How am I supposed to talk to him?**

**Sent 14:28**

**_idk_ **

**_Sent 14:28_ **

**_u could try telling him the truth_ **

**_Sent 14:28_ **

**Ok I’ll talk to him now**

**Sent 14:29**

**_keep me updated_ **

**_Sent 14:31_ **

**Well that could have gone better**

**Sent 14:56**

**_wut happened?_ **

**_Sent 14:57_ **

**He asked me what I thought**

**Sent 14:48**

**And I said it was nice but I can’t afford it**

**Sent 14:48**

**And he went you don’t have to**

**Sent 14:49**

**and then I said but I want to afford it**

**Sent 14:49**

**and then he didn’t get it so I had to explain that I wanted to pay for some of the house**

**Sent 15:00**

**So then we had a bit of a fight about why I wanted to get a loan and put myself into debt when he could very easily pay for it and now we’re in his car sulking at each other**

**Sent 15:00**

**_and y do u_ **

**_Sent 15:01_ **

**because I don’t want him to pay for everything like hes some kind of sugar daddy**

**Sent 15:02**

**I don’t want or need a sugar daddy**

**Sent 15:02**

**_wut the fuck are u talking about_ **

**_Sent 15:03_ **

**I want to not be dependent on Harry**

**Sent 15:04**

**_but y_ **

**_Sent 15:05_ **

**_i dont get it_ **

**_Sent 15:05_ **

**I’d be taking advantage of him and I just couldn’t do that**

**Sent 15:06**

**_u r really not comfortable with the whole millionaire thing r u_ **

**_Sent 15:07_ **

**Not even a little bit**

**Sent 15:07**

**_well get comfortable_ **

**_Sent 15:08_ **

**_cuz after u buy the house hell fill it with his expensive tv and clothes and furniture_ **

**_Sent 15:08_ **

**_and ull b uncomfortable going into ur own damn living room_ **

**_Sent 15:08_ **

**You may have a point**

**Sent 15:09**

**_lou_ **

**_Sent 15:09_ **

**ok fine you do have a point**

**Sent 15:10**

**_good_ **

**_Sent 15:11_ **

**_now talk to him_ **

**_Sent 15:11_ **

**alright**

**Sent 15:12**

**_and stop texting me i have a life 2_ **

**_Sent 15:13_ **

**no you don’t**

**Sent 15:14**

* * *

**So we good?**

**Sent 17:20**

_I guess so_

_Sent 17:21_

_I still don’t get it but its your choice_

_Sent 17:21_

**Look I grew up with very little money and now I’m dating a millionaire and I don’t know how to deal with it**

**Sent 17:23**

**that basically sums it up**

**Sent 17:23**

_but you’re not freeloading or anything_

_Sent 17:24_

**I know**

**Sent 17:25**

**It’s just right now I’d rather spend my own money than yours**

**Sent 17:26**

**A few years down the track I’ll probably be stealing your wallet every chance I get**

**Sent 17:26**

**But for now no**

**Sent 17:27**

_Its ok lou_

_Sent 17:28_

_i just thought at first you were accusing me of not working for my money or something_

_Sent 17:29_

**Nah**

**Sent 17:30**

**I’ve seen you at work**

**Sent 17:31**

**Anyone who can tolerate teenaged stalkers deserves all the money they can get**

**Sent 17:32**

_hey_

_Sent 17:33_

_some of them are pre-teen_

_Sent 17:33_

**That doesn’t make it any better haz**

**Sent 17:34**

_i know_

_Sent 17:34_

_just makes it scarier_

_Sent 17:34_

**Hey do you think they’ll find our new house**

**Sent 17:35**

_theyll find it before we do_

_Sent 17:36_

_well rock up at a house and theyll be there with signs that say WELCOME HOME_

_Sent 17:36_

**Oh god that’s terrifying**

**Sent 17:37**

**Tell me you would turn the car around**

**Sent 17:37**

_maybe_

_Sent 17:38_

_some of them are really nice though_

_Sent 17:38_

**They’re stalkers who cares how nice they are**

**Sent 17:39**

_i do_

_Sent 17:39_

_theyre my stalkers_

_Sent 17:39_

**our stalkers now**

**Sent 17:40**

**have you googled my name lately**

**Sent 17:40**

_no why_

_Sent 17:41_

**They’re calling us Larry**

**Sent 17:42**

**They have pictures of our every move**

**Sent 17:42**

**Someone made a collage**

**Sent 17:42**

_please tell me you are not taking this seriously_

_Sent 17:43_

**This girl has written a story about me being pregnant**

**Sent 17:45**

_oh god_

_Sent 17:45_

**You’re a very attentive father apparently**

**Sent 17:46**

_im glad youre finding this funny_

_Sent 17:47_

**Someone has to**

**Sent 17:48**

_do we have a boy or a girl_

_Sent 17:49_

**A girl**

**Sent 17:49**

**we name her Darcy**

**Sent 17:49**

_thats such a grandma name_

_Sent 17:50_

**It’s so unrealistic**

**Sent 17:51**

**We’d rather name her Campus**

**Sent 17:51**

_i was thinking of calling her Pomegranate_

_Sent 17:52_

**Apocalypse if it’s a boy**

**Sent 17:53**

_or Dinosaur_

_Sent 17:53_

**oh my god**

**Sent 17:53**

**we are so naming our child Dinosaur**

**Sent 17:54**

_i will hold you to that_

_Sent 17:54_

**Maybe as a middle name**

**Sent 17:55**

_dont you chicken out on me now_

_Sent 17:56_

_Dinosaur Apocalypse Tomlinson_

_Sent 17:56_

_and if it’s a girl Dinosaur Campus Tomlinson_

_Sent 17:57_

**You’d take my last name?**

**Sent 17:57**

_i like your last name_

_Sent 17:58_

**I’m holding you to that**

**Sent 17:59**

_yup_

_Sent 18:00_

_just Harry Tomlinson, Louis Tomlinson and our two kids Dinosaur and Guava Tomlinson_

_Sent 18:00_

**Guava?**

**Sent 18:01**

_Guava Alphabet Tomlinson_

_Sent 18:01_

**I like it**

**Sent 18:02**

**We’re still kidding around right?**

**Sent 18:02**

_yeah_

_Sent 18:03_

_not about the Tomlinson part though_

_Sent 18:03_

**You are too damn sappy for your own good**

**Sent 18:04**

**You need to stop before you injure someone**

**Sent 18:04**

**probably me**

**Sent 18:04**

_am i seeing you tonight?_

_Sent 18:05_

**nah I’m going up to my mum’s in a minute**

**Sent 18:05**

_well tell her about her future grandchildren for me_

_Sent 18:06_

**This woman has a child named Ernest do you honestly think Dinosaur is going to frighten her?**

**Sent 18:07**

_you have a point_

_Sent 18:08_

**Well I got to get driving**

**Sent 18:08**

**I’ll see you tomorrow yeah?**

**Sent 18:08**

_leftover night?_

_Sent 18:09_

**wouldn’t miss it xx**

**Sent 18:10**

_see ya xxx_

_Sent 18:11_

* * *

What r u doing tonight Styles?- Liam

Sent 18:12

_whatever you have planned?_

_Sent 18:13_

CORRECT ANSWER- Liam

Sent 18:13

Meet at ours in 10

Sent 18:14

_ok then…_

_Sent 18:15_

* * *

WHAT ARE YOU DOING STYLES

Sent 22:32

_relax Zayn nothings happening_

_Sent 22:32_

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY DITCHING US FOR THAT TOSSER

Sent 22:33

_id hardly call it ditching when you two have been attached to each others faces the entire night_

_Sent 22:34_

_besides he’s not a tosser_

_Sent 22:35_

1 yes he is

Sent 22:35

2 we’re allowed to its our 38 month anniversary

Sent 22:35

_oh god youre THAT couple_

_Sent 22:35_

and 3 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING

Sent 22:36

_would you just calm down_

_Sent 22:37_

_we go to a place where YOU KNOW he hangs out_

_Sent 22:37_

_and then you’re horrified when I talk to him_

_Sent 22:37_

_AS FRIENDS BTW_

_Sent 22:37_

That man is a leech harry

Sent 22:38

For the love of god come back to us and we’ll go somewhere else

Sent 22:38

_well fine_

_Sent 22:39_

_but im giving him my number_

_Sent 22:40_

WHAT

Sent 22:41

WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

Sent 22:41

_because he deleted it after we stopped talking_

_Sent 22:42_

YOU MEAN WHEN YOU BROKE UP

Sent 22:43

_youre so dramatic zayn_

_Sent 22:44_

I cant deal with you right now

Sent 22:45

I’m giving the phone to Li

Sent 22:45

WHAT R U DOIN- Liam

Sent 22:46

URE RUININ MY ANNIVERSARY- Liam

Sent 22:47

_ok your anniversary isn’t until Tuesday so you can stop with that right now_

_Sent 22:47_

what r u doin with Nick tho- Liam

Sent 22:48

_were just talking_

_Sent 22:49_

_why is everyone assuming the worst_

_Sent 22:49_

cuz its Nick- Liam

Sent 22:50

hes a scumbag- Liam

Sent 22:51

WHY R U STILL TALKING TO HIM- Liam

Sent 22:58

_were catching up on things_

_Sent 22:58_

_like he has a cat now did you know that_

_Sent 22:59_

tell him his cat needs him and then GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE- Liam

Sent 23:00

UR STILL NOT MOVING –Liam

Sent 23:05

_fine geez im going_

_Sent 23:06_

_meet you at the front door_

_Sent 23:06_

you better brace yourself for the yelling of a lifetime

Sent 23:07

_oh my god Zayn stop_

_Sent 23:08_

* * *

16/11/14

_so long time no see_

_Sent 12:30_

_ it’s been a while Styles _

_ Sent 12:31 _

_so why were you at your moping bar_

_Sent 12:32_

_ I was moping surprisingly _

_ Sent 12:31 _

_ me and Ian broke up last Thursday _

_ Sent 12:32 _

_Ah well_

_Sent 12:33_

_gives you an excuse to get drunk_

_Sent 12:33_

_ I don’t need an excuse _

_ Sent 12:34 _

_you and that bar though_

_Sent 12:35_

_your name should be engraved on one of the stools_

_Sent 12:35_

_ been there a lot over you _

_ Sent 12:36 _

_aw come on Nick_

_Sent 12:37_

_it was just as much you as it was me_

_Sent 12:37_

_ im just shitting you styles _

_ Sent 11:37 _

_do you like making things awkward or is it just a special gift of yours?_

_Sent 11:38_

_ what can I say im a talented guy _

_ Sent 11:38 _

_youre a pain in the arse guy_

_Sent 11:39_

_ rude _

_ Sent 11:40 _

_ haven’t seen in each other in months and this is how you greet me _

_ Sent 11:40 _

_ after all ive done for you _

_ Sent 11:40 _

_oh my god stop_

_Sent 11:41_

_you are literally this close from being a character on bold and the beautiful you know that right_

_Sent 11:41_

_ nah need to be more tan for that _

_ Sent 11:42 _

_you have no one to blame for that but yourself_

_Sent 11:43_

_ what are you accusing me of now? _

_ Sent 11:43 _

_I know you_

_Sent 11:44_

_youve probably spent the past week playing skyrim_

_Sent 11:44_

_you always go to skyrim when youre down_

_Sent 11:44_

_ actually ive changed the game _

_ Sent 11:45 _

_ you don’t know me at all _

_ Sent 11:45 _

_its probably the sequel_

_Sent 11:45_

_ shut up that’s not out yet _

_ Sent 11:45 _

_ and it’s part of a series _

_ Sent 11:45 _

_oh whatever_

_Sent 11:46_

_so what happened between you and ian_

_Sent 12:50_

_i thought things were going well_

_Sent 12:50_

_ well they were _

_ Sent 12:51 _

_ until I realised I wasn't in love with him _

_ Sent 12:51 _

_nick you gotta give it time_

_Sent 12:52_

_youre not just going to fall in love with him overnight_

_Sent 12:52_

_ no you don’t get it Styles _

_ Sent 12:53 _

_ I mean hes a great guy and hes hot but _

_ Sent 12:53 _

_i dont like where this sentence is headed_

_Sent 12:53_

_ but he’s not you _

_ Sent 12:54 _

_nick I’m sorry but i just dont feel the same way_

_Sent 12:55_

_ jesus youre going to fall for that everytime aren’t you _

_ Sent 12:55 _

_I just have a hard time believing someone could get over this fine piece of ass_

_Sent 12:56_

_ you conceited wanker _

_ Sent 12:56 _

_so what really went wrong_

_Sent 12:57_

_ he cheated on me _

_ Sent 12:57 _

_ several times _

_ Sent 12:57 _

_ with several other people _

_ Sent 12:58 _

_ I'm still bitter _

_ Sent 12:58 _

_i dont blame you_

_Sent 12:58_

_ so how goes it with your loverboy _

_ Sent 12:58 _

_well_

_Sent 12:59_

_ oh dear _

_ Sent 12:59 _

_ tell me your problems _

_ Sent 13:00 _

_me and lou are house hunting rn_

_Sent 13:03_

_ you moving in together? _

_ Sent 13:04 _

_yeah_

_Sent 13:04_

_at least were trying to_

_Sent 13:04_

_ I take it its not going so well _

_ Sent 13:05 _

_we keep fighting_

_Sent 13:06_

_its horrible_

_Sent 13:06_

_hes got it in that thick lovable head of his that i think hes a gold digger or something_

_Sent 13:07_

_WHICH I DONT BTW_

_Sent 13:07_

_so he wants to help pay for the place_

_Sent 13:07_

_except he has very little money and we just left a flat that was infested with a type of bug i didnt even know existed_

_Sent 13:08_

_i dont want to live with bugs nick i wanna live with Louis_

_Sent 13:08_

_ i wouldnt be coming to me for relationship advice _

_ Sent 13:09 _

_aha no im not but its just nice to vent yknow?_

_Sent 13:10_

_ yeah I get it _

_ Sent 13:11 _

_maybe we should go on escape to the country_

_Sent 13:11_

_ you hate the country _

_ Sent 13:12 _

_ remember when we went camping for that music festival _

_ Sent 13:12 _

_you had a trailer_

_Sent 13:13_

_why did we have to sleep in a collapsed tent in the rain?_

_Sent 13:13_

_ I don’t remember you complaining at the time _

_ Sent 13:14 _

_ in fact I distinctly remember you saying it would be more romantic if we slept in the collapsed tent _

_ Sent 13:14 _

_ which btw was only collapsed cause you didn’t know how to build a tent properly _

_ Sent 13:14 _

_i was young and foolish why would you listen to me_

_Sent 13:15_

_ because at that point you could have told me to jump into a volcano and I would have gladly done it _

_ Sent 13:16 _

_ it was those puppy eyes of yours _

_ Sent 13:16 _

_ they just dragged me in _

_ Sent 13:16 _

_well I admit that it was kinda fun when we had to share a sleeping bag because mine was soaked_

_Sent 13:17_

_ best part of the damn festival _

_ Sent 13:17 _

_yeah_

_Sent 13:18_

_look i gotta go were looking at a house that surprisingly looks kinda liveable_

_Sent 13:19_

_ say hello to the bugs for me _

_ Sent 13:20 _

_dont you dare jinx this for me Nicholas_

_Sent 13:20_

* * *

 

_look im sorry Lou_

_Sent 17:08_

_i didn’t mean to yell at you like that_

_Sent 17:08_

_but out of the 4 houses we looked at today 2 of them had bug infestation 1 was right next door to the hell’s angels and the other had an asbestos problem_

_Sent 17:08_

_i don’t mind not living in a mansion but can we live somewhere that isn’t going to kill us_

_Sent 17:09_

_lou nobody is going to think any less of you if you let me pay for most of the house_

_Sent 17:10_

_nobody is going to look at us and go hes only with that harry for the money_

_Sent 17:10_

_if anything theyd go hes only with him for his gigantic cock_

_Sent 17:10_

_come on lou_

_Sent 17:13_

_its leftover night tonight_

_Sent 17:13_

_werent we going to see what happens if you mix meatloaf and whatever else is in my fridge_

_Sent 17:13_

_which is cake btw_

_Sent 17:13_

_so that’s an exciting combination you do not want to miss_

_Sent 17:14_

**I don’t think we should move in together**

**Sent 17:15**

_what_

_Sent 17:18_

**You’re right I can’t afford it**

**Sent 17:19**

**And as much as I want to do it**

**Sent 17:20**

**I just don’t see how I could pay for it**

**Sent 17:20**

_but what about a loan_

_Sent 17:20_

**What so we can move into a slightly less shitty apartment**

**Sent 17:21**

**Babe I know you don’t want to live anywhere I can afford**

**Sent 17:21**

_but you dont have to afford it_

_Sent 17:22_

**But I want to afford it**

**Sent 17:22**

_why are you so against me paying for this_

_Sent 17:23_

**Can we not do this**

**Sent 17:24**

**I already told you why**

**Sent 17:24**

_for gods sake lou youre not using me_

_Sent 17:25_

**Yes I am**

**Sent 17:25**

**If you buy the house I wouldn’t have done a damn thing to earn it**

**Sent 17:25**

**I would be just yet another WAG living off the profits of dating a millionaire**

**Sent 17:26**

_babe no one thinks that_

_Sen 17:26_

_youre not some wag_

_Sent 17:26_

**No you’re wrong**

**Sent 17:27**

**I’m the boyfriend of One Direction**

**Sent 17:27**

**Google my name and it comes up with you talking about how cute I am**

**Sent 17:28**

_do you not want me to call you cute?_

_Sent 17:29_

**Harry random people come up to me in the street and ask me how you and the boys are**

**Sent 17:30**

**I’m not a person anymore**

**Sent 17:31**

**I’m just Harry Styles’ boyfriend**

**Sent 17:31**

**And you buying me a house would only just confirm that**

**Sent 17:31**

_what do you want me to do about it lou?_

_Sent 17:32_

_do you want me to write a letter to fucking ok magazine and say stop calling my boyfriend my boyfriend because hes uncomfortable with the whole concept_

_Sent 17:32_

_heaven fucking forbid lou we do something that couples do_

_Sent 17:33_

_someone might think that shock horror we are a couple_

_Sent 17:33_

**That’s not what I meant haz**

**Sent 17:34**

_what did you mean then lou?_

_Sent 17:34_

_cuz all im getting is you dont like being with me_

_Sent 17:34_

**I love being your boyfriend**

**Sent 17:35**

**I just don’t love being with Harry Styles world famous boybander**

**Sent 17:35**

_i dont know if youve noticed but those are both me_

_Sent 17:36_

_you don’t get only the side of me you like lou its not a fucking pick n mix_

_Sent 17:36_

**I wish it was because then I could choose to leave the part who texts guys about sharing sleeping bags**

**Sent 17:38**

_you went through my phone?_

_Sent 17:39_

**I was fucking sitting next to you when you sent it**

**Sent 17:39**

_we were talking about when we shared a sleeping bag 2 years ago_

_Sent 17:41_

**You were texting your ex?**

**Sent 17:42**

_yeah_

_Sent 17:42_

_so what?_

_Sent 17:42_

**You were texting the guy you used to fuck that’s what**

**Sent 17:43**

**In front of your boyfriend**

**Sent 17:43**

**Your fucking pissed off boyfriend**

**Sent 17:44**

_are you seriously going to get mad at me?_

_Sent 17:45_

**I am already fucking mad at you**

**Sent 17:46**

_you can off your high fucking horse right now lou because you have no right to be mad at me_

_Sent 17:47_

**I think I do Harry**

**Sent 17:47**

_you literally just said you hated being my boyfriend_

_Sent 17:48_

_i think that outweighs me texting a friend on the things to be mad about scale_

_Sent 17:48_

**HE’S YOUR EX**

**Sent 17:49**

_YOU DONT LOVE ME_

_Sent 17:50_

**At the moment I don’t**

**Sent 17:51**

**In fact at the moment I feel fucking glad I changed my mind about moving in with you**

**Sent 17:51**

_fuck you_

_Sent 17:51_

**Wouldn’t you rather be fucking that sleeping bag cunt?**

**Sent 17:52**

_do you really want me to answer that?_

_Sent 17:52_

_i mean not that youd care because you never liked being with me_

_Sent 17:52_

**fuck off harry**

**Sent 17:53**

_fine i will_

_Sent 17:54_

* * *

 

_niiiiicccckkkkk_

_Sent 18:34_

_ what do you want styles? _

_ Sent 18:35  _

_well now that’s just rude_

_Sent 18:36_

_ Im a Celebritys on  _

_ Sent 18:37 _

_ so unless you texting me about eating kangaroo testicles I dont care _

_ Sent 18:36 _

_can i come over_

_Sent 18:37_

_ relationship problems? _

_ Sent 18:37 _

_yeah_

_Sent 18:38_

_ you remember which flat? _

_ Sent 18:39 _

_the expensive looking one?_

_Sent 18:40_

_ hahah I wish _

_ Sent 18:40 _

_ the door with the dent in it _

_ Sent 18:41 _

_ dont ask _

_ Sent 18:41 _

_ok_

_Sent 18:42_

* * *

 

**_LOU_ **

**_Sent 18:03_ **

**_IS SOMETHING WRONG_ **

**_Sent 18:03_ **

**_I JUST SUDDENLY GOT A BAD FEELING_ **

**_Sent 18:03_ **

**Me and Harry just got into a pretty bad fight**

**Sent 18:04**

**I think he’s cheating on me**

**Sent 18:04**

**_N O_ **

**_Sent 18:04_ **

**_COMING OVA IMMEDIATELY_ **

**_Sent 18:04_ **

**Bring drinks**

**Sent 18:05**

**_ALREADY SORTED_ **

**_Sent 18:06_ **

* * *

 

_ 17/11/14 _

**Why do we have to go to work**

**Sent 13:10**

**_some1 has 2 look after the kiddies_ **

**_Sent 13:12_ **

**_besides they r cute at the moment_ **

**_Sent 13:12_ **

**Thank god for storytime**

**Sent 13:13**

**_i hear ya_ **

**_Sent 13:13_ **

**How many times have we read Rainbow Fish to these kids?**

**Sent 13:14**

**_1000s_ **

**_Sent 13:14_ **

**And yet every time they heard it they never know the ending**

**Sent 13:14**

**Amazing**

**Sent 13:14**

**_so u ok_ **

**_Sent 13:15_ **

**About Harry?**

**Sent 13:15**

**Idk**

**Sent 13:15**

**I keep telling myself it’s just a rough patch**

**Sent 13:16**

**But what if he is?**

**Sent 13:16**

**_he was just texting an x_ **

**_Sent 13:17_ **

**_u do it all the time_ **

**_Sent 13:17_ **

**I would hardly call you an ex**

**Sent 13:17**

**_wasnt talking about me_ **

**_Sent 13:17_ **

**_although i thought we agreed not 2 talk about that_ **

**_Sent 13:18_ **

**Yeah well I don’t talk to them reminiscing about sex**

**Sent 13:18**

**_we could u no_ **

**_Sent 13:18_ **

**_now u brought it up_ **

**_Sent 13:19_ **

**You won’t want to hear what I have to say about it**

**Sent 13:19**

**_in my defense_ **

**_Sent 13:19_ **

**_i was drunk n u were like the 2nd bloke ive ever fucked_ **

**_Sent 13:20_ **

**I was also drunk and I think I did a better job then you ever would sober**

**Sent 13:20**

**_i wuld ask 4 a rematch but_ **

**_Sent 13:21_ **

**I would have to be even more drunk than I was last time to say yes**

**Sent 13:21**

**_rude_ **

**_Sent 13:22_ **

**Y’know I sometimes wonder if what we have constitutes a normal friendship**

**Sent 13:23**

**_who cares?_ **

**_Sent 13:23_ **

**_we got somfing special_ **

**_Sent 13:34_ **

**Good lord**

**Sent 13:34**

**That probably means I’m never going to get rid of you doesn’t it?**

**Sent 13:35**

**_all part of the evil plan_ **

**_Sent 13:36_ **

**_sooooooo_ **

**_Sent 13:36_ **

**_wut u gonna do bout ur harry_ **

**_Sent 13:36_ **

**I think I may just ignore him today fuck it**

**Sent 13:37**

**I’m not mad just over it for the moment**

**Sent 13:37**

**Think about it tomorrow y’know**

**Sent 13:38**

**_yea alright_ **

**_Sent 13:38_ **

**_does this mean ur up 4 watching wateva sport is on tonite with me?_ **

**_Sent 13:39_ **

**Of course**

**Sent 13:40**

**I’m hoping its table tennis**

**Sent 13:41**

**_its never table tennis lou_ **

**_Sent 13:41_ **

**If we’d stay up late enough it would eventually be table tennis**

**Sent 13:42**

**_they play the lawn bowls then n u fucking no it_ **

**_Sent 13:43_ **

**_no1 shuld be made 2 watch lawn bowls_ **

**_Sent 13:43_ **

**Says the man who has an unnatural obsession with snooker**

**Sent 13:44**

**Snooker is duller than lawn bowls**

**Sent 13:45**

**Like at least in lawn bowls there is a slight chance that the 194 year old throwing the bowl could topple over and die at any moment**

**Sent 13:45**

**It adds so much suspense**

**Sent 13:46**

**_it does not_ **

**_Sent 13:47_ **

**_it just makes it more tragic when it does happen_ **

**_Sent 13:48_ **

**You are wrong my friend**

**Sent 13:48**

**Also sometimes the old ladies boobs jiggle when they throw the ball**

**Sent 13:49**

**You don’t get that thrill in snooker**

**Sent 13:49**

**_wuteva_ **

**_Sent 13:49_ **

**_well c tonite which 1s more exciting_ **

**_Sent 13:50_ **

**Oh look rainbow fish is getting his scales back**

**Sent 13:50**

**Look how amazed these kids are**

**Sent 13:51**

**We literally read this a month ago**

**Sent 13:51**

**Truly amazing**

**Sent 13:51**

**_well thats our cue 2 get back 2 work_ **

**_Sent 13:52_ **

**_is it lunchtime or naptime_ **

**_Sent 13:53_ **

**Neither its craft time**

**Sent 13:53**

**_wut_ **

**_Sent 13:54_ **

**_u cant spring sumthing like that on me_ **

**_Sent 13:55_ **

**I'm totally shitting you its lunchtime**

**Sent 13:56**

**_dont do that_ **

**_Sent 13:56_ **

**Well maybe if you learnt the damn schedule we’ve been following for the past two years**

**Sent 13:56**

**_shut up lou_ **

**_Sent 13:57_ **

**Why do all our conversations end this way**

**Sent 13:58**

**_cuz ur a little shit_ **

**_Sent 13:58_ **

**Fair enough**

**Sent 13:58**

* * *

 

_ have you ever seen a swimming pigeon before? _

_ Sent 16:10 _

_ well now you have _

_ Sent 16:10 _

__   


_ Sent 16:10 _

_that thing looks ridiculous_

_Sent 16:11_

_it looks like you when we went to the beach and you decided that you needed a lifejacket_

_Sent 16:11_

_ it was dangerous waters _

_ Sent 16:11 _

_there were three olds swimming next to us_

_Sent 16:12_

_it made it very hard for me to do anything even remotely romantic_

_Sent 16:12_

_i think i just nudged your arm a lot_

_Sent 16:13_

_ jesus we were an absolute shit couple _

_ Sent 16:13 _

_we were young and very stupid_

_Sent 16:14_

_ i hear you _

_ Sent 16:14 _

_ speaking of stupid  _

_ Sent 16:14 _

_ how you doing _

_ Sent 16:15 _

_how very dare you_

_Sent 16:16_

_well i was doing better until you asked me that_

_Sent 16:16_

_ aww I’ll take you seriously now _

_ Sent 16:17 _

_ tell me your problems and ill probably make fun of you probably _

_ Sent 16:17 _

_you are the actual worst_

_Sent 16:17_

_but there isnt really much change since i left your house three hours ago i guess_

_Sent 16:17_

_ i try to make conversation and this is how you repay me _

_ Sent 16:18 _

_ BUT _

_ Sent 16:18 _

_ im supposing that means that you are up for wingman duty tonight _

_ Sent 16:19 _

_whaaaattttt?_

_Sent 16:19_

_ are you not? _

_ Sent 16:20 _

_how am i supposed to wingman my ex?_

_Sent 16:21_

_how am i supposed make you sound dateable when i wasn’t too sure of that myself?_

_Sent 16:22_

_ youre supposed to make me sound fuckable not dateable _

_ Sent 16:23 _

_oh_

_Sent 16:24_

_well now THAT I can do_

_Sent 16:24_

_ i cant tell whether youre being sarcastic or not _

_ Sent 16:25 _

_me neither_

_Sent 16:25_

_lets do this_

_Sent 16:26_

* * *

18/11/14

I fucking knew this would happen

Sent 12:20

I had a bad feeling about that boy but you didn’t fucking listen to me

Sent 12:21

And now once again he has ruined your fucking life

Sent 12:21

_what are you talking about?_

_Sent 12:22_

oh you don’t know?

Sent 12:22

google yourself

Sent 12:23

_WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK_

_Sent 12:27_

I told you

Sent 12:27

_NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS ISNT TRUE AT ALL_

_Sent 12:28_

_I WAS WINGMANING FOR HIM HE WENT HOME WITH SOME OTHER GUY_

_Sent 12:28_

_THEY WERE FULL ON MAKING OUT AND SHIT AND THE PAPS TAKE A PHOTO OF THAT?_

_Sent 12:29_

_ITS JUST A PHOTO OF ME WITH MY ARM AROUND HIM_

_Sent 12:29_

_IN FACT THIS IS A FUCKING CROPPED PHOTO BECAUSE THE GUY NICK ACTUALLY FUCKED WAS STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO US ABOUT TO FUCKING KISS HIM_

_Sent 12:30_

how could you have fucked up this badly?

Sent 12:30

its almost comical

Sent 12:31

_WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?_

_Sent 12:31_

_GOD THERES AN ARTICLE HERE ABOUT LOUIS AND HOW HEARTBROKEN HE IS AND IT MAKES HIM SEEM LIKE HES ABOUT TO THROW HIMSELF OFF A CLIFF_

_Sent 12:32_

_I FEEL SO GUILTY_

_Sent 12:32_

Calm down Harry jesus

Sent 12:33

no one’s going to be throwing themselves off of any cliffs

Sent 12:33

_oh god what is lou going to think_

_Sent 12:34_

_im done for_

_Sent 12:34_

Look I don’t know I just pray to god you have an excuse ready for pr because they are going to rip your spleen out through your throat

Sent 12:35

_tell them to get in line_

_Sent 12:36_

* * *

 

**_lou_ **

**_Sent 13:41_ **

**_is there a reason why u havent spoken all day_ **

**_Sent 13:41_ **

**_im gettin worried tbh_ **

**_Sent 13:41_ **

**_is it cuz they didnt play lawn bowls last nite_ **

**_Sent 13:42_ **

**_cuz if its any consulation it wuz a damn fine game of snooker._ **

**_Sent 13:42_ **

**_even tho u fell asleep during it_ **

**_Sent 13:42_ **

**Hes cheating on me with fucking Nick Grimshaw**

**Sent 13:43**

**_wut the radio guy?_ **

**_Sent 13:43_ **

**_the 1 u had a crush on?_ **

**_Sent 13:44_ **

**It was all over tmz**

**Sent 13:45**

**_but_ **

**_Sent 13:46_ **

**I don’t know anymore Niall**

**Sent 13:47**

**We were fucking perfect two weeks ago**

**Sent 13:47**

**_maybe its a misunderstanding_ **

**_Sent 13:48_ **

**What**

**Sent 13:48**

**You’re not defending him are you?**

**Sent 13:48**

**_look all ill say is maybe u should talk 2 him be4 u jump 2 conclusions_ **

**_Sent 13:49_ **

**_remember that time when harry was “ allegedly fucking charlie sheen”_ **

**_Sent 13:49_ **

**_u didnt believe it then y now_ **

**_Sent 13:49_ **

**This is not what I want to hear**

**Sent 13:50**

**I mean you’re probably right**

**Sent 13:51**

**But I want you to say something like he’s a scumbag and you deserve better because you are a perfect person**

**Sent 13:51**

**_that doesnt sound like something id say_ **

**_Sent 13:52_ **

**I hate you**

**Sent 13:52**

* * *

 

_ HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHIT? _

_ Sent 16:22 _

_ UNBEFUCKINGLEIVEABLE _

_ Sent 16:22 _

_have you really only just seen it then_

_Sent 16:23_

_ I will never have sex again _

_ Sent 16:23 _

_ Who gonna wanna fuck the guy who wrecked Englands cutest gay couple _

_ Sent 16:24 _

_why are we only the cutest gay couple_

_Sent 16:25_

_ dude no one can beat that old married couple that on the news all the time because of how old they are _

_ Sent 16:25 _

_Well whatever we’re fucked_

_Sent 16:26_

_ How’s Louis taking it _

_ Sent 16:27 _

_idk_

_Sent 16:27_

_haven’t talked in a while_

_Sent 16:27_

_ damn you’re in deep _

_ Sent 16:27 _

_I knowwwwwww_

_Sent 16:28_

_I dont even know how to fix this anymore_

_Sent 16:28_

_like I fucked up so bad I dont even know how I fucked up but I fucked up_

_Sent 16:29_

_ I am almost impressed by how much you fucked up _

_ Sent 16:30 _

_youre a terrible friend_

_Sent 16:30_

_ just be thankful youre not actually sleeping with me _

_ Sent 16:30 _

_yeah cuz that worked out so well last time_

_Sent 16:31_

_ fair point _

_ Sent 16:31 _

_ but for realises what you gonna do? _

_ Sent 16:32 _

_probably cry a bit then reconsider life choices_

_Sent 16:33_

_ sounds like a plan _

_ Sent 16:34 _

_ want me to be there to hand you tissues _

_ Sent 16:34 _

_nah probably make things worse_

_Sent 16:35_

_ im supporting you in spirt then _

_ Sent 16:36 _

_ but my body is having a Gilmore girls marathon _

_ Sent 16:36 _

_your body is sad man_

_Sent 16:36_

_ not as sad as yours you four nippled freak _

_ Sent 16:37 _

_and on that bombshell im ending this conversation_

_Sent 16:38_

_ alright see ya whenever _

_ Sent 16:38 _

* * *

_ hi Louis its nick _

_ Sent 16:40 _

_ grimshaw _

_ Sent 16:42 _

**Fuck off**

**Sent 16:42**

_ ok yeah that’s fair enough _

_ Sent 16:43 _

_ but im going to keep texting you anyway _

_ Sent 16:43 _

_ look harry and me? not a thing _

_ Sent 16:44 _

_ never have been a thing even when we were a thing _

_ Sent 16:45 _

_ we dated for like 4 months before we realised we weren’t really dating _

_ Sent 16:46 _

_ we fist bumped instead of kissed for god’s sake _

_ Sent 16:46 _

_ and I know its probably weird for you that after not seeing each other for like a year me and harry are talking as though we never left each others side _

_ Sent 16:47 _

_ because it weirds me out too _

_ Sent 16:47 _

_ but we just have that sorta friendship we’re too close for our own good _

_ Sent 16:48 _

_ but that’s not why I texted you _

_ Sent 16:48 _

_ I just wanted to say that you shouldn’t dump him over stupid tabloid gossip that isn’t even true _

_ Sent 16:49 _

**But there were photos**

**Sent 16:50**

_ we have no sense of personal space _

_ Sent 16:51 _

_ its part of the whole we used to sleep together thing _

_ Sent 16:52 _

**Did Harry put you up to this?**

**Sent 16:53**

_ nah he doesn’t know that im doing this  _

_ Sent 16:54 _

**Then why are you doing this?**

**Sent 16:55**

_ Because I want my best mate back _

_ Sent 16:55 _

_ We watched Antiques Roadshow the other night when the Notebook was on another channel and he didn’t complain once _

_ Sent 16:55 _

_ Anyway you seem like the only person who can fix him back up again so get to it I guess _

_ Sent 16:56 _

**So you two haven’t been sexually involved since…**

**Sent 16:57**

_ two years ago I think _

_ Sent 16:57 _

**Then who the fuck was he sending nudes to?**

**Sent 16:58**

_ he did what? _

_ Sent 16:59 _

**The way we met was he accidentally sent me nudes**

**Sent 17:00**

_ oh my god _

_ Sent 17:02 _

_ that was not the story I was told _

_ Sent 17:02 _

_ he told me he met you doing charity work at your daycare _

_ Sent 17:02 _

_ I have teasing rights over him forever now thank you so much for this opportunity _

_ Sent 17:03 _

**You are welcome**

**Sent 17:04**

**I have a feeling we may get on well if our main hobby is making fun of harry**

**Sent 17:05**

_ in a loving way of course _

_ Sent 17:05 _

**Of course**

**Sent 17:06**

_ now go kiss and make up _

_ Sent 17:07 _

_ im over mopey harry he does nothing but use up all my tissues _

_ Sent 17:07 _

**Alright I’ll talk to him after work**

**Sent 17:08**

_ and keep me updated on the nudes _

_ Sent 17:09 _

_ now I wanna know who he was sending them to _

_ Sent 17:09 _

**Will do**

**Sent 17:10**

* * *

**Hey**

**Sent 17:59**

_hi_

_Sent 18:00_

**do you wanna come over tonight?**

**Sent 18:01**

**I think we need to talk**

**Sent 18:02**

_can I just say something_

_Sent 18:03_

**sure I guess**

**Sent 18:04**

_im not cheating on you with nick if you want proof talk to the guy who nick actually fucked last night. look I know me and nick have a kinda weird friendship and we have no concept whatsoever of personal space particularly when were drunk but I promise you its all a hundred percent platonic in fact that’s the reason why we broke up in the first place. and I know its really weird for exes to be as close as we are and I know youre not comfortable with it and im sorry and im rambling I just… don’t break up with me_

_Sent 18:10_

**Yeah I know**

**Sent 18:11**

_you what?_

_Sent 18:11_

**Nick told me**

**Sent 18:12**

_he what?_

_Sent 18:13_

**We got to talking today**

**Sent 18:15**

**Turns out he’s pretty nice**

**Sent 18:15**

_wait_

_Sent 18:16_

_youre getting along with nick_

_Sent 18:16_

_my nick?_

_Sent 18:17_

**yeah turns out we have a shared goal of making your life miserable**

**Sent 18:18**

_so you want to keep making my life miserable?_

_Sent 18:19_

**Well yeah**

**Sent 18:20**

**What else would I do with my time?**

**Sent 18:20**

_you still wanna keep us going_

_Sent 18:21_

_even though you don’t like being my boyfriend?_

_Sent 18:21_

**I’m sorry I fucked up there**

**Sent 18:22**

**I just meant I don’t really like being in the spotlight**

**Sent 18:22**

**I don’t know why I said that I hated being with you because that’s not even a little bit true**

**Sent 18:22**

_well while were on apologies_

_Sent 18:23_

_im sorry for not telling you about nick_

_Sent 18:23_

_to me it didnt look bad cuz in my mind me and nick were never a thing_

_Sent 18:23_

_but for you it looked completely different and i dont blame you for jumpng to conclusions_

_Sent 18:24_

**Before I can accept your apology I need you to answer one thing**

**Sent 18:25**

**If you and nick weren’t a thing then who the hell were you sending the dick pic to?**

**Sent 18:26**

_umm well you know how I said it was for an ex_

_Sent 18:27_

_I lied_

_Sent 18:27_

_it was for some guy I met on grindr and well wrong number_

_Sent 18:27_

_I just didnt want you thinking I was slutty_

_Sent 18:28_

**God you’re such a dork**

**Sent 18:29**

_does that mean were good?_

_Sent 18:29_

_because dork usually means I love you in your language_

_Sent 18:29_

**Maybe**

**Sent 18:30**

**What are we gonna do about the whole moving in thing?**

**Sent 18:30**

**Because if memory serves that was our main problem**

**Sent 18:30**

_how about tonight we just forget thats a problem_

_Sent 18:31_

_because i am over fighting with you_

_Sent 18:32_

**We fought for literally 2 days**

**Sent 18:32**

**Maybe a day and a half**

**Sent 18:32**

_thats a day and a half too long_

_Sent 18:33_

**My god that was cheesy**

**Sent 18:33**

**I’ve had nachos that were less cheesy than what you just said**

**Sent 18:34**

_so we’re good?_

_Sent 18:35_

**Do you wanna come over and find out just how good we are?**

**Sent 18:36**

_im already in the car_

_Sent 18:37_

_be there in 10_

_Sent 18:38_

**Brilliant**

**Sent 18:38**

* * *

 

 

19/11/14

**_dUDE_ **

**_Sent 2:20_ **

**_TELL ME U R WATCHING THE SNOOKER_ **

**_Sent 2:20_ **

**_ITS SO INTENSE RN_ **

**_Sent 2:21_ **

**No I’m not because I am not a sad sack of shit with nothing better to do with my life**

**Sent 2:21**

**Also I have a hard time believing things have gotten intense with snooker**

**Sent 2:22**

**_y r we so high and mighty all of a sudden_ **

**_Sent 2:22_ **

**Harry may be lying next to me sleeping**

**Sent 2:23**

**_c i told u ud work it out_ **

**_Sent 2:23_ **

**Well we haven’t quite worked everything out**

**Sent 2:24**

**I have no idea what we’re doing about the moving in together thing**

**Sent 2:24**

**_aha now ive been thinking about that n I have n idea_ **

**_Sent 2:25_ **

**_come ova immediately n discuss it with me_ **

**_Sent 2:26_ **

**It’s 2 in the morning**

**Sent 2:27**

**_its a rly good idea_ **

**_Sent 2:28_ **

**Ok but we better make a pitstop at mcdonalds at some point during the evening**

**Sent 2:29**

**_sure just hurry up n come ova_ **

**_Sent 2:30_ **

**and no snooker**

**Sent 2:31**

**_GET UR SORRY ASS OVA HERE SO I CAN SAVE UR MARRIAGE_ **

**_Sent 2:32_ **

* * *

 

_Lou_

_Sent 11:21_

_where are you?_

_Sent 11:22_

_like I know you left a note but where is nialls?_

_Sent 11:23_

_Louis?_

_Sent 11:30_

_why are you not at work_

_Sent 11:48_

_whats happened?_

_Sent 11:49_

_whats wrong?_

_Sent 11:53_

_well im just going to assume that its ok if I eat all your food and watch your tv while youre  gone ok?_

_Sent 12:10_

_ok_

_Sent 12:11_  

* * *

 

**HARRY**

**Sent 13:10**

_whats happened is everything ok?_

_Sent 13:11_

**You know how we wanted to live together and stuff but we couldn’t figure out out?**

**Sent 13:12**

**WELL**

**Sent 13:12**

**HAVE I GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU**

**Sent 13:12**

_youre scaring me a little lou_

_Sent 13:14_

****  


**Sent 13:15**

**TADAAAAA**

**Sent 13:16**

_im not living in that lou_

_Sent 13:16_

_that is the set of a fucking horror movie_

_Sent 13:17_

**no no no youre missing the point**

**Sent 13:18**

**I didn’t buy it to live in it**

**Sent 13:19**

_you BOUGHT that thing?_

_Sent 13:19_

**I bought it so we could renovate it**

**Sent 13:20**

_I don’t understand_

_Sent 13:21_

**Ok you know how you wanted to live in a mansion with taps that tell the temperature**

**Sent 13:21**

_I just wanted to live with you lou I don’t need all that_

_Sent 13:22_

**Don’t give me that bullshit I know you too well you want fancy taps**

**Sent 13:22**

_ok yeah I do_

_Sent 13:23_

**WELL**

**Sent 13:23**

**I bought this so you could make it into the mansion with the taps**

**Sent 13:24**

**do whatever you want with it**

**Sent 13:25**

**its going to take a while though sooo I may have to move into your place for a bit**

**Sent 13:26**

_you hate my place though wouldn’t you rather us stay in yours_

_Sent 13:27_

**Well normally I would but I kinda sold my place to get this place**

**Sent 13:28**

**So unless you want me to stay at niall’s**

**Sent 13:28**

**Which I don’t want to do because I swear to god that man never sleeps**

**Sent 13:29**

_hmmmmm well I dunno_

_Sent 13:29_

_i wouldnt want to deprive you of the comfort of nialls couch_

_Sent 13:30_

**And I wouldn’t want to deprive you of my banging bod 24/7**

**Sent 13:31**

_you make a fine point_

_Sent 13:32_

**I think you’ll find I’m fine in general**

**Sent 13:33**

_you’re more than fine_

_Sent 13:34_

_like you’re sensational_

_Sent 13:35_

**We were so close to being sexy**

**Sent 13:36**

**I was so proud of us for a moment there**

**Sent 13:36**

_sexting is not our strong point_

_Sent 13:37_

_so when can I see this shit box_

_Sent 13:37_

**That is our future home you are talking about**

**Sent 13:38**

**But I will give you the address if you help me move out my stuff from my flat into your house**

**Sent 13:39**

_our house now_

_Sent 13:40_

**You sappy shit**

**Sent 13:40**

**I hope you know that your house is going to become our house plus Niall**

**Sent 13:41**

**You have 8 tvs**

**Sent 13:41**

**He’s never going to leave**

**Sent 13:42**

_its ok someone has to use the 5 guest rooms_

_Sent 13:43_

**Please don’t tell him that**

**Sent 13:43**

**Or he really won’t leave**

**Sent 13:44**

_i wont but its always nice to have something to hold over your head_

_Sent 13:45_

**Worst boyfriend ever 0/10 would not recommend**

**Sent 13:46**

_fine ill help you move_

_Sent 13:47_

**Thanks darl xx**

**Sent 13:48**

_darl??_

_Sent 13:49_

_you sound like a lunchlady_

_Sent 13:49_

**Maybe that’s what I was going for**

**Sent 13:50**

**The sexy lunchlady and youre the student who craves my meat**

**Sent 13:50**

**You look into my eyes and say I want your sausage**

**Sent 13:51**

**And I drag you into the kitchen and show you how I make it tender**

**Sent 13:52**

_I have the weirdest boner right now_

_Sent 13:53_

_we should work on that later_

_Sent 13:53_

**I didn’t know you were into that**

**Sent 13:54**

_im into a lot of things you don’t know about_

_Sent 13:55_

**Well now im less horny more concerned**

**Sent 13:56**

**Is it like animal porn or something?**

**Sent 13:56**

_No I meant like no y’know what I’ll show you when you get here_

_Sent 13:57_

**I’d like that ;)**

**Sent 13:58**

**Alright I’m driving back now be there in a bit xx**

**Sent 13:59**

* * *

 

7 Months Later

**Hey where are you?**

**Sent 11:10**

**You said you’d be here at 10:30 to help us move in the furniture**

**Sent 11:10**

**And surprise surprise it is now 11:11 and there is not a Niall in sight**

**Sent 11:11**

**_but I dont wanna_ **

**_Sent 11:12_ **

**_u n Haz do nothin but snog_ **

**_Sent 11:13_ **

**_i feel like a 3rd wheel in house I BUILT WITH MY OWN TWO HANDS_ **

**_Sent 11:13_ **

**Ok first of all none of us built it**

**Sent 11:14**

**The contractors Harry hired built it**

**Sent 11:14**

**And secondly we also move furniture into the house so it’s ready for everyone to visit tonight for the big dinner party**

**Sent 11:15**

**And thirdly nick is here so you’d be third wheeling with him**

**Sent 11:16**

**_oh brill y didnt u say so_ **

**_Sent 11:17_ **

**_ill b there in 10_ **

**_Sent 11:18_ **

**Seriously?**

**Sent 11:19**

**_wut?_ **

**_Sent 11:19_ **

**Me your best friend since kindergarten asks you to help with the house I slaved over and you say no**

**Sent 11:20**

**but when Nick who you’ve known for like a week asks you all of a sudden YEAH ILL HELP I WILL DO ALL THE WORK JUST TO IMPRESS MY NEW BEST FRIEND**

**Sent 11:21**

**_ive nown him longer than a week_ **

**_Sent 11:22_ **

**And yet you didn’t deny that he’s you’re new best friend**

**Sent 11:23**

**Oh my god**

**Sent 11:24**

**Wait**

**Sent 11:24**

**Do you have a crush on him?**

**Sent 11:25**

**_wut? no_ **

**_Sent 11:26_ **

**Really?**

**Sent 11:27**

**Because if this was a girl I would have thought you were going to propose**

**Sent 11:28**

**_my god stop_ **

**_Sent 11:29_ **

**_i literally just said that id cum help u cos i wont have 2 3rd wheel alone_ **

**_Sent 11:30_ **

**_n now im in love wit him_ **

**_Sent 11:31_ **

**Are you?**

**Sent 11:32**

**_NO_ **

**_Sent 11:33_ **

**Fine then**

**Sent 11:33**

**But you know you can tell me anything right like we are pretty much brothers at this point**

**Sent 11:34**

**From the womb to the tomb amiright?**

**Sent 11:35**

**_this is ur revenge 4 me running l8 innit?_ **

**_Sent 11:36_ **

**Big time buddy**

**Sent 11:37**

**Now hurry up you said you’d be here 10 minutes ago**

**Sent 11:37**

**_im sorry im l8 my best friend was hassling the shit outta me_ **

**_Sent 11:38_ **

**But Nicks been right here helping us move the furniture I don’t see how he had the time to hassle you**

**Sent 11:39**

**_I hate u_ **

**_Sent 11:40_ **

**Good**

**Sent 11:41**

**Maybe it will inspire you to DRIVE FASTER**

**Sent 11:41**

**_STOP TXTING ME_ **

**_Sent 11:42_ **

 

**How’s it going on your end babe?**

**Sent 17:23**

_alright_

_Sent 17:23_

_my number hasn’t been called yet but I have been given a number so I guess that’s something_

_Sent 17:23_

**Why did we think it was a good idea to have a dinner party when neither of us can cook?**

**Sent 17:24**

**Thank god for takeaway**

**Sent 17:24**

_Excuse you I can cook thank you very much_

_Sent 17:25_

**Honey I love you but you have a problem with portion sizes**

**Sent 17:25**

**we would have been eating your casserole for the next year**

**Sent 17:26**

_probably would have lasted that long as well_

_Sent 17:27_

_how are things at your end?_

_Sent 17:27_

**I have managed to get niall and nick into something that isn’t sweats**

**Sent 17:28**

**Which I think is a momentous achievement and should be marked on the calendar**

**Sent 17:29**

_I'm proud of you_

_Sent 17:30_

**Also I am three plates away from a fully set dinner table**

**Sent 17:30**

**So just to recap so I don’t forget to set a plate or something**

**Sent 17:31**

**Who is coming?**

**Sent 17:32**

_My mum and step dad, your mum and step dad, zayn and liam, gemma, and nick and niall obviously_

_Sent 17:33_

**So that’s nine**

**Sent 17:34**

_oh and us_

_Sent 17:35_

**I knew I was forgetting someone**

**Sent 17:35**

_please say you forgot yourself it would seriously break me if you said you forgot me_

_Sent 17:36_

**Whatever helps you sleep at night babe**

**Sent 17:37**

**Oh god**

**Sent 17:50**

**Please tell me you are close to being here**

**Sent 17:50**

_I just got in the car why_

_Sent 17:51_

**Your sister has just arrived early**

**Sent 17:52**

_Lou_

_Sent 17:53_

_you like my sister_

_Sent 17:53_

_you two get along really well_

_Sent 17:54_

**Yeah you’re right I’m just being stupid**

**Sent 17:55**

**But like we’re really doing this**

**Sent 17:55**

**We’re having a dinner party**

**Sent 17:56**

_were having a dinner party_

_Sent 17:56_

**We’re gonna screw it up aren’t we**

**Sent 17:57**

_well sure with that attitude_

_Sent 17:58_

**Let the Hunger games begin**

**Sent 17:59**

_you’ll be fine don’t be so dramatic_

_Sent 17:59_

**Goodbye my darling I loved you I really did**

**Sent 17:59**

_don’t jinx the damn dinner party_

_Sent 18:00_

_I’ll see you in a bit yeah?_

_Sent 18:00_

_lou?_

_Sent 18:03_

**Don’t cry for me I’m already dead**

**Sent 18:03**

_you have literally three guests you cant have fucked up that badly_

_Sent 18:03_

_Oh god maybe you have_

_Sent 18:07_

_IM ON MY WAY_

_Sent 18:08_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yes this ends on a cliffhanger which will all be revealed in the next chapter which will be out hopefully before, during or a little bit after christmas. 
> 
> Thank you for reading!


End file.
